


Baby Hungry//Reddie

by BakugouLeftTiT



Series: Reddie Family [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Losers Club (IT), Adult Richie Tozier, Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Bill Denbrough & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Bottom Eddie Kaspbrak, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Minor Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Mpreg, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak, Top Richie Tozier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 43,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25924726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakugouLeftTiT/pseuds/BakugouLeftTiT
Summary: “Come on Richie....we’ve been married for three years now, I want a baby.”“Not now, Eddie”The fic where Richie and Eddie have been married for a while and all Eddie wants is a baby.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris
Series: Reddie Family [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055798
Comments: 116
Kudos: 196





	1. Zero: Happy Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> So my story somehow got deleted so I’m re-uploading it again!

_**Zero** _

_**Happy Anniversary** _

”Happy anniversary, darling.” Richie says leaning across the table to place the softest of kisses to Eddie’s lips. The action brings a smile to the younger boys face as Richie pulls away, sitting back down in his seat. Eddie places his hand on top of the table, smiling even brighter when Richie takes it and gives it a tight squeeze.

“Hard to believe it’s been three years already.” Eddie says, earning a soft laugh from Richie before he nods. It was hard to believe that they’d been together for five years now and married for three. It still felt like just yesterday that Richie was standing nervously across from Eddie in front of all their friends and family, getting ready to commit to the beautiful hazel eyed man for the rest of his life. It was the best decision Richie ever made though, his life with Eddie pretty much what he’d always pictured. Sure, they had their differences every once in a while, but for the most part they were happy.

And that was all that mattered to Richie.

“So, what do you want for our anniversary anyways? You never told me.” Richie asks, grabbing his fork before he finally takes a bite of the food Eddie had spent half the day making. Eddie liked cooking, trying out new recipes every chance he got while Richie still struggled to make toast right. Eddie is hesitant with his answer, biting down on his lip as he pushes his own food around on his plate because he wasn’t quite sure how to ask Richie this.

So he doesn’t.

“Nothing, really...I’ve got everything I need right here.” Eddie manages to get out, smiling tightly at Richie who quirks an eyebrow at Eddie because that was a first. Five years together and not once had Eddie said he didn’t want a gift. Eddie didn’t need anything extravagant, the gifts he usually requested from Richie being simple little things. Last year he’d asked Richie for just a simple night in where all they did was cuddle on the couch and watch movies.

His gifts were always simple, but this time Eddie wanted something that was a little more complicated than a night in on the couch.

”You sure? Nothings off the table, babe.” Richie says, clearly trying to get an answer out of his husband. Eddie bites down on his lip again, wishing it was as simple as saying four words.

_I want a baby._

”I’m sure, babe. Life is perfect and I don’t need anything.” Eddie says, but Richie’s still giving him a look which Eddie tries to ignore as he picks at his food.

“Well I think we should do something besides hanging out in the apartment...I’m sorry that we couldn’t get reservations at Murano like you wanted, that was my bad with being so busy at the station...”Richie trails off, suddenly feeling very guilty even though it wasn’t entirely his fault. Eddie had only mentioned wanting to go to Murano for their anniversary a few days ago as an after thought, Richie of course wanting to make their anniversary perfect tried to get reservations only to find out they were booked...Eddie didn’t appear to be disappointed but Richie felt like he was.

“Richie, it’s okay. I don’t need the fancy restaurant or the extravagant gifts. I just need you and I’ve got you.” Eddie says, giving Richie’s hand another squeeze but Richie still feels like something is off.

“Okay...are you sure though? You’d tell me if there was something bothering you, right?” Richie asks and Eddie smiles softly at his husband. He was used to this, to Richie’s small insecurities just as Richie was used to his.

“I’m sure, Richie.”

“Okay. I love you.” Richie says, looking at Eddie with a slight vulnerability in his eyes that tugs at Eddie’s heart just a little. He could just picture a baby with those same eyes and he hated how badly he wanted that.

“I love you too. Now eat up so we can move onto desert.” Eddie says, earning a nod from Richie before he finally starts to eat and they fall into comfortable silence. They were halfway through dinner when Eddie finds himself asking the one question he didn’t know the answer to, the younger of the two not even bothering to look up from his plate when he asks it.

“So uh....how....how do you feel about kids?” Eddie asks, pushing his green beans towards the corner of his plate. Richie looks up, a confused expression on his face.

“What do you mean?” Richie asks, leaning back in his chair as he continues to look at his husband.

”Do you uh....do you want kids?” Eddie asks and Richie pales, his throat going dry and Eddie honestly thought the older boy was about to pass out.

“Fuck, you’re pregnant...shit...shit, I knew it was too risky. I fucking knew-“ Richie starts, clearly panicked and Eddie is quick to stop him before he enters a full on freak out.

“No, no...I’m not pregnant, Richie. I was just...never mind. It’s not...it doesn’t matter. It’s stupid.” Eddie says, trying not to feel bitter about the relieved expression on Richie’s face.

It was no secret to Eddie that Richie didn’t want kids.

Just like it was no secret to Richie that Eddie did.

It was their biggest issue after three years and Eddie was getting tired of waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to re-uploaded it again cause it got deleted by accident :(
> 
> If you like it, make sure to hit the kudos button and bookmark button! (I sounded like a youtuber😔)


	2. One: A little bit of effort

_**One** _

_**A little bit of effort** _

“So how was the anniversary?” Mike, one of Eddie’s closest friends, asks the next afternoon as the both of them hang out in the teacher’s lounge during lunch. Eddie was a second grade teacher while Mike taught third grade, so they spent quite a bit of time together. Mike was married to Stan, Eddie’s old roommate from college, and the couple were expecting their first child any day now. Eddie wasn’t jealous of course, it wasn’t like Richie and he got married before Mike and Stan or anything....

“It was good...we uh...we had a good time.” Eddie says, taking a sip from his mug of coffee before he clears his throat. The truth was it hadn’t been all that great, after Eddie had brought up kids, Richie got really weird. Eddie tried to get him to talk about it, but it only ended with Richie getting even weirder and eventually Eddie just gave up.

“What did you guys do? Stan was saying you were getting reservations at Murano or something like that.”

“Richie tried to, but they were booked for last night so we ended up staying at home. I cooked one of Richie’s favorite meals and then we spent the rest of the night just...doing anniversary related things.” Eddie says, lying a little unless of course someone counted sitting in silence for almost the entire evening an anniversary related things.

“Maybe that’s what Stan and I will do this year, he hasn’t really been feeling up to doing anything these past few weeks besides walking from the bed to the bathroom.” Mike says, a frown finding it’s way onto his face as Eddie gives him a sympathetic look.

“Still on bed rest, then?” Eddie asks, earning a nod from Mike.

“Yeah. It’s the last month, but it’s really taking a toll on Stan. He really hates being cooped up, you know? And I don’t know how to help him because everything I do seems to just make him mad...so I wanna make our anniversary one to remember...being since it’s our last one with just the two of us.” Mike says, letting out a sigh as he puts his now empty mug on the counter. He leans against it, folding his arms over his chest as Eddie gives him a sympathetic smile.

“Do you have any ideas?” Eddie asks, not really sure how he was going to help Mike but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. As Eddie waits for Mike to share his ideas, his phone vibrates in his back pocket.

 _**From: Trashmouth <3 Received: 12:04 pm  
** _ _hey babe, sorry about last night. wanna go out tonight to make up for it?_

Eddie lets out a dramatic sigh, figuring he’d reply after school was over because in that moment he didn’t really want to go out that night. It was a typical Richie move though, trying to make up for simple little fights or arguments by doing extravagant things that honestly didn’t need to be done.

“I’m thinking I’ll just rent his favorite movies, get take out from that Chinese place he likes so much, message his feet or something, make sure he’s comfortable....he’ll like that right?” Mike asks, looking at his friend hopefully and Eddie does his best to smile.

“Yeah, I’m sure he’ll love that. I think I’m gonna head back to the classroom, get ready for the afternoon lesson and what not...let me know how it goes with Stan.” Eddie says, not even bothering to wait for Mike to say anything before he walks out of the teachers lounge. His classroom was at the end of the hall, the room still empty as lunch had about another fifteen minutes before it was over. Eddie goes straight to his desk, collapsing down into his chair before he puts his head in his hands.

He shouldn’t let it bother him, he shouldn’t be so hung up on Richie’s reaction to a simple question because that’s what it was....a simple question.

_How do you feel about kids?_

Clearly not very well, but Eddie had known that...Eddie didn’t get it though, Richie liked kids....he was always so great with Eddie’s students when he’d come and visit and Eddie thought that maybe after Stan and Mike had announced their little surprise, Richie would be more open to the idea.

But he wasn’t and Eddie was having a hard time coming up with excuses as to why. Eddie understood when they first got married, they were young, they were still trying to figure out who they were....and Eddie understood why after their second anniversary when they had a scare, even Eddie wasn’t ready then but he was ready now though, he had been ever since Mike and Stan showed up at their house to give them the news.

So why wasn’t Richie?

 _**From: Trashmouth <3 Received: 12:13 pm  
** _ _got the reservation at Murano like you wanted, Bill says we owe him one but I’m thinking we’ll just get him a bottle of that scotch he likes so much. I should be done at the station around five, do you want to meet me there or would you prefer me to pick you up?_

And Eddie lets out yet another sigh, running a hand through his hair because the last thing he wanted to do was go out....

But Richie was trying and Eddie had to be happy with that.


	3. Two: Studio Blues

_**Two** _

_**Studio Blues** _

“So, I’m thinking we should get 5SOS on the show again. They really boosted our viewership last time.” Bill says, not even bothering to look up from his tablet as he lists off yet another thing he wanted Richie to do this week. Richie and Bill were co-hosts of a local music station they’d started back in college that ended up getting quite popular. Richie loved his job, only having to work from nine to five during the weekdays, his weekends free to do whatever Eddie wanted to do.

“Hey, Richie. Everything alright?” Bill asks, snapping his fingers in front of his friend’s face. Richie didn’t even realize he’d spaced out, blinking as he came back to reality only to realize his best friend was staring at him like he had two heads. Richie clears his throat, sitting up in his seat a little bit more.

”Everything’s fine...why?” Richie asks, earning another look from Bill.

”Because you’ve been awfully quiet all morning and you keep staring at your phone. Things not going so well at home or something?” Bill asks and Richie is quick to shake his head. It wasn’t that things at home were rough, they were fantastic as always...it was just that Eddie was clearly upset about something and Richie had a feeling it was because of him.

Richie hated it when Eddie was upset.

”I just think Eddie’s mad or something, I don’t know. He’s been off all day.” Richie explains shrugging like it isn’t a big deal but he felt like it was. On any normal day, Eddie would be texting Richie every half hour or so with little things he found cute with his students.Today, Eddie hadn’t replied once, not even to the text Richie had sent him nearly two hours ago about meeting him at the restaurant he’d so desperately wanted to go to yesterday.

So Richie was frustrated.

“I’m sure he’s not mad at you, Richie. He’s probably just busy or something, he does teach six year olds who need a lot of attention.” Bill points out, earning a soft sigh from Richie as he nods. Richie pinches the bridge of his nose though, clenching his eyes shut because of the goddamn headache was coming back. He’d gotten one last night when Eddie had brought up kids and to be quite honest, it had never gone away.

“Yeah. I know...we just...we kinda had a fight last night, is all.” Richie admits sheepishly earning a look from Bill. The song set ends before Bill gets the chance to ask more, but he gives Richie a quick signal to let him know they’d talk about it in a few minutes. Bill clears his throat as he leans in a little closer to his microphone, putting on his chipper attitude like a natural while Richie feels like his own is a bit forced.

They talk about the usual, upcoming shows, new albums or song releases, the occasional advertisement before Bill finally throws it back into another half hour set of music. Bill leans back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest as he looks at his friend expectantly.

“What did you guys kinda fight about?” Bill asks when Richie doesn’t say anything for a moment. Richie lets out a sigh, running a hand through his hair before he does answer.

“I think....I think Eddie wants a baby. He didn’t like come right out and say it, but he brought up kids again last night and well...I didn’t exactly have the greatest reaction.” Richie says, keeping his voice quiet due to the fact that he just felt like shit. Eddie didn’t ask for much so under normal circumstances...Richie would usually give Eddie whatever he wanted, but this....

This was something Richie didn’t want.

“Did you have a panic attack or something?” Bill asks, quirking an eyebrow as he studies his friend curiously.

”Basically. It ruined our entire evening...and I’m really wanting to make it up to him tonight but he won’t fucking text me back...and I just...I don’t know what I’m going to say to him when he finally just asks for a baby...I honestly...I don’t think I have a good enough excuse besides the fact that I just...I really don’t want kids.” Richie admits, biting down on his lip as Bill continues to stare at him.

“Well I’m honestly the last person you should be talking about this stuff with being since I’m single....probably will till the day I die, knowing my luck...but I say just talk to him about it. If he loves you, he’ll understand.” Bill says, a little hesitantly as Richie lets out a very long sigh.

“That’s the thing, Bill. We’ve already talked about it, but Eddie’s....Eddie’s just Eddie and when he wants something...there’s just...there’s no stopping him.” Richie says, looking down at his hands with a frown as Bill pats his friend’s back sympathetically. Richie jumps when his phone finally goes off for the first time that day, Eddie’s personalized text tone echoing through the studio.

 _**From: Eddie Bear xx Received: 3:09 pm** _ _Murano’s sounds great, love. I’m fine with you picking me up from home but if it’s easier for me to meet you there I can. Just let me know what you wanna do. Love you, E xx  
_

And Richie’s smiling again.


	4. Three: Reservation

_**Three** _

_**Reservation**_

“So, how was class today?” Richie asks much later that day, sitting across from his husband in a crowded restaurant at the table just past the kitchen. It wasn’t the best seat in the house and Richie was really hoping that wasn’t the reason why Eddie wasn’t talking as much as usual. Eddie’s picking at his food, looking completely disinterested in everything that was going on around him.

”Good.” Is all Eddie says, earning a sigh from Richie who flinches when a waiter walks out the kitchen door which just about hits him. Richie didn’t want to address the elephant in the room, honestly thinking that a nice night out on the town was going to be enough to make Eddie forget all about the baby idea...

But it was clear Eddie was upset and Richie didn’t want that.

”I’m sorry about last night...I shouldn’t have reacted like I did.” Richie finally says, thinking maybe that’s what Eddie wanted...but Eddie just nods his head and continues to push his food around his plate.

“Did I do something else to upset you? You’ve been very...” Richie trails off, unable to think of the actual word he was looking for. Eddie finally looks up from his plate and at his husband, quirking an eyebrow as Richie stares at him.

”Despondent?” Eddie offers, earning a nod from Richie.

“What’s going on, Eds?” Richie asks, reaching across the table to grab Eddie’s hand but Eddie pulls it away before he gets the chance. Richie feels his heart deflate at that, the nagging feeling in the back of his head telling him Eddie was upset hitting him even stronger now. 

“It’s nothing, Richie. Just forget it.” Eddie says, not wanting to end up in a fight in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

“Clearly it’s something if you won’t even let me touch you.” Richie says and Eddie lets out what he feels to be one of his longest sighs ever. Eddie didn’t want to start a fight, he really didn’t but it was clear that Richie wasn’t about to let the conversation go. So Eddie asks the one question that had been on his mind all day.

“Why don’t you want a baby?” Eddie asks, the question lingering in the air for far longer than it should’ve.

“Why...why do you want a baby?” Richie asks instead of answering, once again finding himself in a spot he didn’t want to be in.

“Because I just do, Richie. It’s the next step in our relationship and I think we’re ready. We’ve got stable jobs, we’ve got extra room in our apartment and I just...I feel like there’s something missing.” Eddie admits, looking a little sheepishly at his husband who still appeared to be at a loss for words.

“Why don’t we start with a dog first? Why do we have to jump straight to the baby?”Richie asks, hoping that maybe Eddie would accept a compromise like he had the last time they had this conversation nearly ten months ago.

Eddie had promised he’d wait another year, clearly Eddie didn’t want to keep that promise. Richie felt like that was a bit unfair, but of course he wasn’t going to voice that. The last thing he needed was for yet another thing for Eddie to hate him for.

“I don’t want a dog, Richie.” Eddie says, trying his best not to get annoyed but Richie was trying to get on his nerves tonight.

“Well I don’t want a baby.” Richie says and Eddie lets out a very long sigh. He puts his fork down on his plate, no longer interested in his food whatsoever. Eddie folds his arms across his chest, leaning back in his chair as he looks across the table at his husband who looked like a deer caught in headlights. The expression on Eddie’s face was one that Richie didn’t see often, but when he did, he always regretted opening his mouth in the first place.

“Why? Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t have a baby right now.” Eddie says and Richie takes far longer than he would’ve liked to respond. He could think of only one reason, but Richie knew that wasn’t going to be good enough for Eddie.

He just didn’t want a baby.

“I just don’t-“ Richie starts to say only to have Eddie’s phone start to ring. Richie recognizes the ringtone instantly, rolling his eyes as it’s Mike calling. Richie didn’t have anything against Mike, they were actually pretty good friends, but Eddie would drop anything to be at his best friend’s side.

Even when they were in the middle of a discussion.

”Hey Mike, what’s up?” Eddie answers it after the second ring, holding up his finger when Richie let’s out a sigh. Richie waits somewhat impatiently for Eddie to finish up his call, peeking up in his chair when Eddie practically jumps out of his.

“Oh my god! We’re on our way. Which hospital?” Eddie is asking frantically, grabbing his coat as Richie signals for their waiter. It was clear their argument was going to have to take a backseat this evening and Richie was honestly okay with that right about now. Once Richie gets their check paid, the young couple is rushing to their car. Eddie’s talking frantically to Mike, Richie only catching a word here or there but it wasn’t long before he realized exactly what’s happening.

Stan was having a baby.


	5. Four: Angst in a waiting room

_**Four** _

_**Angst in a waiting room** _

Richie had disliked hospitals for as long as he could remember. There were just something with the bright lighting and the too clean scent that always set him off and if he had his way, he wouldn’t be sitting in a waiting room right now.

But Eddie was already angry enough as it was, straight out refusing to even talk to Richie despite the fact they’re the only two in the room. Richie is trying not to take it personally, knowing that Eddie probably had every right to be angry with him. It made Richie nervous though, not once in their five years of being together did Eddie flat out refuse to talk to him. Usually Richie would just get short, one worsted responses...and right about now, he would kill for one of those.

The silence was killing him, the older of the two looking down at his hands as he plays with the sleeves of his shirt. He risks a glance towards Eddie, biting down on his lip as he tries to think of something to make this better. Eddie was looking at the labor and delivery door, a concerned expression on his face with just a hint of annoyance. Richie knew the annoyance was reserved for him, but Eddie would tell him over and over again that he’d never get annoying.

“Eds...”Richie starts to speak again, only to stop when he decides it’s not worth it. What was he even going to say? He wasn’t about to tell Eddie _yeah, let’s have a baby. If it’ll make you talk to me again, we can have two!_

No. He wasn’t about to give in.

Eddie is still staring at the doors, not even acknowledging that Richie had said anything. Richie lets out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair before he stands up from his chair. He didn’t have to sit around and take this.

“I’m going to walk around for a little while.” Richie says but he still doesn’t get any reaction from his husband. Richie walks out of the waiting room, shoving his hands in his pockets as his head hangs low. He thinks about glancing back at Eddie, wondering if maybe he’s watching him go....but he doesn’t.

Instead he walks around for a little while, trying to think of ways to fix the mess he was in. He understood why Eddie was upset, he really did....but he was kinda wishing that Eddie would understand his side. Eddie only saw the cute side of having a baby, he didn’t think practically like Richie did.

Richie finds himself standing in front of the nursery, staring at the thirty or more babies like they were some kind of foreign objects. He didn’t understand why so many people were obsessed with babies....he didn’t really think he wanted to understand though. All he needed to know was that having a baby changes everything.

Having a baby would change everything and Eddie just really didn’t seem to grasp that. He saw it as filling an empty room, Richie saw it as yet another thing to crowd their already limited space. Having a baby meant cutting back hours at work for Richie and quite possibly Eddie quitting his job all together, which would be fine for a year or two...but Richie was always worried about money getting tight. Having a baby meant less time with just the two of them and that was already hard enough.

Having a baby just didn’t seem like a good idea to Richie. The idea of being responsible for a whole other life besides his own terrified him. What if he messed up? What if Eddie ended up hating him? What if he lost everything? He would only have himself to blame and then his baby would grow up in a broken home much like he had. Richie didn’t want that and the best way to keep it from happening was just to never have kids.

Eddie had to understand that.....

And then Richie’s got arms wrapping around his waist, Eddie’s familiar scent washing over him in an instant. Eddie’s chin is resting on Richie’s shoulder, the sound of his breathing a little too comforting but Richie still remained rigid.

And he’d apologized.

“I’m.....I’m sorry too.” Richie manages to get out, swallowing his pride and accepting that this was the best they could do right now.

“They sure are cute...” Eddie says, maybe as just an after thought but Richie knows there’s more to it than that. He doesn’t say anything about it though, simply nodding in response before he pulls out of Eddie’s arms.

“Come on, we should get back to the waiting room. We don’t want Mike to think we just left or something.” Richie says, not caring if it seemed like an excuse to get away. Eddie let’s out a sigh before nodding, holding out his hand for Richie to take which of course he does.

They walk back to the waiting room hand in hand, both ignoring the tension between them, bottling it up like it means nothing.

Because that’s just what they do and it seemed to be working just fine, but even they knew it wouldn’t last. It was only a matter of time until that bottle broke.


	6. Five: Baby Bet

_**Five** _

_**Baby Bet** _

”So, boy or girl?” Eddie asks Richie about twenty minutes later, the couple now sitting on the same couch as they wait for Mike to return with news. Richie was playing with Eddie’s fingers, stalling the action at Eddie’s question as he hadn’t really gotten the context he was asking in. Eddie cranes his head so he can look at his husband, shifting on his lap.

“I’m sorry?” Richie asks, hating how quickly his heart was beating right now. Was Eddie asking if Richie wanted a boy or girl? Was Eddie already pregnant and this was his way of telling him?

“Do you think they’re having a boy or a girl? You know considering they didn’t find out the gender and all...figured we could set a bet or something...”Eddie says, trailing off as he studies the expression on Richie’s face. Richie seems to relax a little, but his heart still felt like it was about to beat out of his chest.

“What are we betting?” Richie asks, shifting on the couch a little which causes Eddie to start sliding off his lap but Richie was quick to pull him back up.

”Our usual wager. I win, we have sex on the table. You win, we have sex wherever you want.” Eddie says, earning a soft chuckle from Richie as he wraps his arms around Eddie a little tighter.

“Alright, I think I can agree to those terms. What’s your side?” Richie asks, chuckling again as Eddie pretends to think about it. Richie knew what side Eddie was on because it was always the same.

“Girl. I bet they’re having a girl. Mike’s going to be way too over protective of her and she’ll be lucky to date anyone before the age of thirty.” Eddie says, earning a nod from Richie because there was no doubt in his mind that Eddie was right.

”Alright, if they have a boy we’re having sex in the kitchen.” Richie says, smiling brightly when Eddie lets out a laugh that seems to echo through the room. Richie always loved it when Eddie laughed and he would do absolutely anything to hear that sound again.

“That’s hardly sanitary.” Eddie points out and Richie lets out a scoff.

“Like sex on the table is any better.”

”Well I was going to say we could go down to the station....have sex in your office....but last time that happened, Bill walked in and I still can’t look him in the eye.” Eddie admits and Richie’s laughing softly yet again, burying his face into Eddie’s hair.

“Bill isn’t working tonight, we could sneak in.” Richie whispers, smirking when Eddie shivers involuntarily. Richie thinks about maybe teasing Eddie a little, wondering how worked up he could get his husband before they left.

“At this rate, we’re gonna be here all night.” Eddie says, looking at the doors again. Stan had been in there for nearly two hours now and Eddie was starting to get impatient. He knew that they couldn’t rush these things, but it wasn’t like Stan was delivering the baby naturally.

“We could always come back in the morning.” Richie offers, earning a shake of the head from his husband.

“I promised Mike we’d wait out here since his grandparents couldn’t make it.” Eddie says, letting out a yawn as his body reminds him how shitty of a night of sleep he’d gotten last night. He nuzzles further into Richie’s chest, humming softly as Richie starts to play with his chair. He could easily fall asleep like this, his eyes slowly starting to close. He felt like he’d literally just fallen asleep when Richie’s shaking him, saying his name softly.

“Eds, babe. Wake up. Mike’s got someone he’d like us to meet.” Richie says, shaking his husband gently and earning a groan from Eddie as he opens his eyes again. Mike was nowhere in sight when Eddie sits up, a confused expression on his face.

“Where’s he at?” Eddie asks, moving off of Richie’s lap.

“He’s with Stan and the baby, he just left and I told him we’d be there in a minute. So come on.” Richie says, standing up from his chair and groaning a little at how stiff his back felt. Eddie has a guilty expression on his face at that, but Richie is quick to pull him into his side. Together they walk to the recovery wing, Eddie resting his head on Richie’s shoulder as they do. Eddie moves away once they reach Stan’s room, Richie opening the door for him. They walk in quietly, Stan perking up at the sound of the door but Eddie could tell he was exhausted. Mike is standing by a small cart that Eddie knew for a fact held a little baby, the young man’s heart swelling at just the sight of the cart.

“Hey guys.” Stan says, smiling softly at his friends. Eddie tears his eyes away from the baby cart to look at Stan, returning his smile before he walks over there to give him a hug.

”Congrats Stan.” Eddie says, moving out of the way so that Richie can do the same. Mike is pulling the baby out of the cart when Eddie turns around, the sound the baby makes just about floors Eddie.

“Boys, I’d like you to meet our little girl Anastasia Grace Uris-Hanlon.” Mike says smiling proudly and completely missing the look that Richie and Eddie share. 


	7. Six: An empty box

_**Six** _

_**An empty box**_

”So...are you sure Bill isn’t there?” Eddie asks, following closely behind Richie as they walk into what appeared to be a deserted station but Eddie knew there was at least the night shift. It consisted of a few college kids that Eddie hadn’t really gotten to know yet, not that he hadn’t tried to. They were pretty closed off around Eddie, but Richie says that they’re that way with everyone except Bill.

“I’m positive. He had a date.” Richie says, reaching for the key to his office as Eddie continues to look around nervously. He was rather looking forward to what was going to happen once they got in there, but he was still worried that Bill would walk in or one of the college interns...

“Who with?” Eddie asks, giggling when Richie lets out a triumphant sound when he finally gets the door unlocked. Eddie feels a little giddy as they walk into the clearly deserted office, risking a nervous glance out the door before Richie shuts it quietly behind me.

“Dunno, didn’t really have time to ask him. Now where do you want to do it?” Richie asks, the grin on his face making Eddie giggle a little. Eddie pretends to look around the room for a spot, tapping his chin as he does so.

“I don’t know, your office doesn’t seem to be all that ideal of a spot.” Eddie starts only to be interrupted when Richie lifts him up and places him down on his desk. Richie grins proudly before going in for a kiss, loving how Eddie’s fingers start to tangle into his hair. Eddie lets out a little noise when they accidentally knock over the cup of pencils, pulling away to observe the mess only to have Richie take advantage of his exposed neck. Eddie gasps a little when Richie slides his hand into his pants as he hadn’t even realized Richie had unbuttoned them in the first place. Richie’s trying to get Eddie on his back which wasn’t going so well as Eddie accidentally hits the keyboard of Richie’s computer, the loud ding of the computer turning on causing both to jump.

”We could always just do it on the floor.” Richie offers up, earning a laugh from Eddie.

“You and your floors.” Eddie teases, leaning in for another kiss that gets heavy within just a few seconds. Richie’s hands are moving all over Eddie’s body, his skin feeling like it might catch fire at just the simple touches. Richie always made Eddie feel alive, even after five years. Eddie’s got Richie’s pants unbuttoned now, pulling them down but giving up once they were past his ass. Both shirts had been tossed to the side at some point, Eddie’s hanging on Richie’s filing cabinet while Richie’s appeared to be just by the door.

“I gotta grab the condom, hold up.” Richie says after a few more minutes of very heavy kissing. Eddie lets out a soft whine as his husband pulls away completely, only to giggle at the way Richie’s walking. Richie walks over to his filing cabinet, opening up the bottom drawer where he kept a small box of condoms just for occasions like this.

“Well shit...” Richie curses when he grabs the now empty box, silently wondering how the hell they’d gone through the whole box already when Eddie hadn’t been to the station for well over two months.

“What?” Eddie asks, craning his head so he can see across the room.

“We don’t have any.” Richie says, holding up the empty box. He was pretty sure it was Bill who took the last one, probably for his stupid date the bastard.

”Oh well....we could always just risk it?” Eddie offers up and Richie gets rigid at that because no, they could not risk it. Richie refused to risk it.

“No. We’ll just....we’ll just go home.” Richie says and Eddie frowns at that.

”You’re kidding right?” Eddie asks and Richie shakes his head, pulling up his pants and grimacing at how tight they were in that moment. He’s grabbing Eddie’s shirt off the filing cabinet, handing it over to the younger who is still waiting for Richie’s excuse this time even though he knew what it was. Eddie didn’t want to fight anymore, he didn’t want to go to bed angry.....

But the issue was something he needed to bring up. He wanted Richie to understand how badly he wanted a baby, how badly he felt like this was what they needed. The room in the apartment that just lay empty needed something and it wasn’t about to be a dog.

“Richie, I want a baby.” Eddie says it, the last sentence Richie wanted to hear, and it just hangs in the air for a few seconds as Richie stands with his back to his husband. Eddie sees how tense Richie’s shoulders are and he can hear his own heart beating so rapidly he was surprised it hadn’t burst out of his chest.

”It’s been....we’ve been married for three years now and I....I want a baby.” Eddie says again, this time slower as he still stares at Richie. Richie closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath before he turns around, opening his eyes to be met with Eddie’s hazel ones which looked so sad and vulnerable.

”Not now, Eddie.” Richie says, trying to stand his ground even when Eddie’s somewhat hopeful expression drops.

“If not now, when?” Eddie asks, instantly hating how desperate he sounded. He didn’t get why Richie wouldn’t want this, why he was so against it.

“I don’t know, Eddie. Just not right now.” Richie says, handing Eddie his shirt before he finally grabs his own. Richie is still trying to stand his ground, pretending like he doesn’t see how upset Eddie is because he knew there was only one way to make Eddie happy in that moment.

And that was to give him the one thing he wanted and that was something Richie couldn’t do.


	8. Seven: The cold shoulder

_**Seven** _

_**The cold shoulder** _

”Eddie, I’m so-“ Richie starts as soon as they walk into their apartment only to have Eddie blow him off, the younger of the two going straight to their bedroom and slamming the door. The sound echoes through the apartment, Richie flinching at it before he runs his hands through his hair. Eddie didn’t say a single word to Richie the entire car ride home, he wouldn’t even look at Richie or acknowledge him when he would try to start conversation. 

Eddie didn’t even wait for Richie to put the car into park before he climbed out, practically sprinting to their door while Richie scrambled after him. Eddie was faster though, walking through the front door and leaving it wide open as Richie tries to catch his breath at the base of the stairs. Eddie had locked the bedroom door almost instantly, leaving Richie standing in their hallway feeling like an idiot.

“Eds, baby...please open the door? I’m sorry.” Richie says softly through the door, over and over again to the point that even he’s sick of hearing it. Eddie doesn’t open the door though and Richie lets out a sigh as he leans against it, sliding down until he’s on the floor. He didn’t know what he was going to do, he didn’t know what he was going to say to make it all okay again...

He didn’t know how to make Eddie understand.

Richie somehow falls asleep against the door, waking up to the feeling of his head hitting the floor when Eddie opens it the next morning. Eddie doesn’t even acknowledge him, stepping over him and heading towards their kitchen. Richie scrambles up from his spot on the floor, letting out a groan at how sore all of his muscles feel but he doesn’t dwell on that. He’s more concerned about Eddie who was making breakfast by the sounds of it. Richie isn’t sure what’s going to happen as he walks into the kitchen, standing a little ways away from his husband who’s slamming shut the cupboards and grumbling to himself. He catches Richie’s gaze, but he looks away quickly before going back to grabbing out a coffee mug. He slams shut that cupboard too, not caring how it echoes through the apartment.

It always did that, Eddie could hear every little sound in the stupid apartment and he hated it. He hated how deafening the silence was when Richie worked late, when it was just him. Richie never had to deal with that because Eddie was always home, Richie didn’t know how bad it got when he’d go away on business trips or just decided to crash at Bill’s because he didn’t want to drive home that night. Eddie had gone three years without saying anything.

“So...are you just going to pretend like I’m not here or?” Richie asks, taking another step into the kitchen as Eddie opens up the fridge for the coffee creamer. Eddie wasn’t much of a coffee person, only drinking it when he didn’t sleep well the night before...and he hadn’t slept at all. Richie on the other hand seemed to have no problem falling asleep, which in turn only made the younger even angrier. Eddie shuts the fridge rather forcibly, placing the creamer on the kitchen counter as the coffee pot starts to beep.

“Look, I’m sorry about...I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to make you angry.” Richie says, watching as Eddie rather wearily as he reaches for the coffee pot. Eddie pours himself a cup, still refusing to even acknowledge Richie.

“Jesus, Eddie. Will you just talk to me? I know you’re upset but how the hell am I going to fix it if you won’t even look at me?” Richie demands and Eddie lets out a snort, shaking his head as he goes to take a sip of his coffee. It doesn’t make him feel any better and Richie staring at him wasn’t helping either. So Eddie makes a point of looking at Richie, his glare making Richie shift on his feet nervously.

“I’m sorry about last night.” Richie says again and Eddie lets out a sigh before he shakes his head.

“That’s not why I’m angry, Richie.” Eddie says and Richie pretends like he doesn’t know the reason.

”Why then?” Richie asks and Eddie puts the mug back down on the counter rather harshly, the liquid inside nearly spilling out and Richie was surprised the mug hadn’t broken.

“You shouldn’t have to ask, Richie. You know why I’m angry and I’m so sick....I’m just really done with your bullshit excuses. Why won’t you have a baby with me?” Eddie asks, trying to keep his voice steady but in that moment all he felt like doing was crying. He was just frustrated with Richie and the way he’s looking at him with a blank expression.

“Eddie...it’s...it’s not that I don’t want to have a baby with you, it’s...I just...I don’t want a baby.” Richie says, swallowing the lump in his throat that had formed as he says it. The look on Eddie’s face was making Richie’s heart beat a little faster, the fear that this was it...that this was the defining moment in their relationship hitting him in full force.

“Why? What’s so wrong with having a baby?” Eddie asks, placing his hands down on the counter as he stares at Richie intensity. Richie takes in a deep breath, running a hand through his hair and tugging at it slightly as he does so.

”What if...what if I screw up? What if they end up hating me and I....and I screw them up like my parents screwed me up? I can’t....I won’t...” Richie can’t speak anymore, the words no longer coming out like he wanted and all he can do is hope that Eddie understands.

“Richie....you aren’t like them and I know....I know that you’re scared, but I just....I haven’t asked for much in our five years and this is something that I really want, something that I think we’ll be great for us. So could you please just give it a shot? For me?” Eddie asks, keeping his voice soft and he reaches across the counter for Richie’s hand. Richie hesitates before he takes it, giving it a soft squeeze before nodding.

”Okay...for you..”


	9. Eight: Talk show advice

_**Eight** _

_**Talk show advice** _

“So, how’d talking to Eddie go?” Bill asks the next morning, sipping at his cup of tea between commercial breaks. Richie looks exhausted, currently on his third cup of coffee and it wasn’t even ten yet. The day was already dragging out, Richie wishing more than anything that he’d just called in because he just couldn’t stay awake.

“It went...well, I suppose? I mean, we’re uh...we’re gonna start trying for a baby?” Richie says quietly, refusing to even look at Bill as he says it. Richie was still trying to figure out how it happened, how he’d gone from telling Eddie there was just no way in hell he’d have a baby to agreeing to try.

Trying meant having a baby...the thought alone made Richie a little sick to his stomach. He didn’t know why he agreed, maybe it was because he was just terrified that if he didn’t...Eddie would walk out the front door and never come back. Richie didn’t want that, so he did what he thought would work. He said yes...

“Whoa...that’s uh...what happened to the whole anti-baby campaign you were on yesterday?” Bill asks, leaning back in his chair as he watches Richie. Richie lets out a shaky sigh, running a hand through his hair before he just shrugs.

“Mike and Stan had their baby, as you know...and well, we made a bet about the gender, our usual wager of sex wherever we wanted...Eddie chose the office and I...well doesn’t matter where I picked cause Eddie won, so we came here and we were about to do it-“

”Richie, I really don’t need a play by play.” Bill interrupts, earning an eye roll from Richie as he continues with his story.

“I went to go grab the condom only to find out that somebody took that last one. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you, Big Bill?” Richie asks, glaring at his best friend who gives him a nervous smile.

”Oops....”

“Bastard...anyways, I told Eddie that we shouldn’t risk it and that we should just head home...he got mad, like really mad, probably the maddest I’ve ever seen him. He flat out refused to talk to me, locked himself in the bedroom for the entire night. He still wouldn’t talk to me this morning, refused to even look at me for the first little while and then I told him the truth, you know? About how I’m scared I’ll end up like my parents, how I’ll fuck our kid up like my parents fucked me up and Eddie he uh...he did that thing he always does, you know? Where he just makes everything seem better by simply wrapping his arms around me and in that moment, I guess I realized that it was just...it was pointless to keep denying him the thing he wants. So...I gave in.” Richie says, his voice trailing off and going into a whisper because he still couldn’t believe it.

They were going to try....

”Wow...that’s uh...wow.” Bill is at a lose for words, staring at his friend with wide eyes because he didn’t think Richie would give in that easy. Sure, Eddie’s been trying to wear Richie down on the baby thing since Stan announced his own pregnancy...but Bill was surprised.

“Yeah...I’m still a bit surprised myself, but if having a baby is what it takes to make Eddie happy, then I guess I have little choice in the matter.” Richie says, his voice still quiet as he starts to play with the spoon in his coffee mug.

“You’re kind of treading on thin ice with that attitude though...you’re making it sound like having a baby is the worst thing to ever happen or something.” Bill points out and Richie lets out a groan as he puts his head in his hands.

“I know...but I just, I can’t bring myself to be happy about it, you know? Like just thinking about it right now is making me feel sick. But I have to be happy about it, for Eddie’s sake and I’m fucking trying.” Richie says, clenching his eyes shut as he takes in a very shaky breath. He could just picture it now, Eddie over the moon excited as he plans out a romantic evening that would end in Richie’s current worst nightmare.

Unprotected sex which of course went to his next nightmare...a baby.

“You really need to be talking to Eddie about this...”

”And say what? _‘Yeah, I know I said we could try this morning but the mere idea of even trying for a baby makes me physically ill and I really don’t think we should.’_ That’ll end just dandy, Bill. Thanks for the suggestion.” Richie says bitterly, yelping in pain when Bill kicks his shin.

“Don’t be a dick, Richie.”

”We wouldn’t even be having this conversation if you hadn’t stolen my condoms.” Richie says, glaring at Bill while rubbing his shin. Bill simply just rolls his eyes, shaking his head a little before he speaks again.

“Just talk to your husband. If you do it, I’ll buy you another box.” Bill says, turning to the microphone as the commercial break ends. Richie isn’t really listening to what Bill is saying, too busy dealing with his inner panic because Bill was right.

He had to talk to Eddie.


	10. Nine: A little bit like music

_** Nine ** _

_** A little bit of music ** _

”So, how’s the baby?” Eddie asks, sitting in his classroom as he waits for school to start, talking to Mike over the phone. Mike was taking the next three weeks off to help Stan with the baby, getting a substitute teacher to cover for him. Eddie missed him already though, not having a ton of friends in the school. It wasn’t like he didn’t like the other teachers, it was just that most of them were females who despite the fact that Eddie had told them he was very gay, still thought he was worth a shot to flirt with. It made him a little uncomfortable sometimes, so he mostly just hung out with Mike.

It was going to be a very long three weeks.

”She’s great, absolutely beautiful. She’s literally an angel, I know everyone says that about their kids but I mean it. I never thought I could love something so easily, but the second they put her in my arms, I just knew I’d do anything for her, you know?” Mike says quietly on the other end and Eddie could just picture the look on his face in that moment. It was a look that Eddie couldn’t wait to see on Richie’s face with their own baby, one filled with nothing but love and admiration for the tiny little thing in his arms.

“Do you and Stan need anything? I’ve got a few errands I’ll be running after school today anyways, so it won’t be a big deal if you needed something.” Eddie offers, standing up and writing today’s morning warm up on the board. It was just a simple spelling exercise as he was teaching six year olds.

“Could you possibly stop by our place and just check on Roxy? I can’t remember if we filled up her food or not before we left, we were in a bit of a rush.” Mike continues to talk quietly which leads Eddie to believe that he’s probably holding the baby or she was at least in the room. Eddie’s heart tugs at just the mere thought of a baby, the idea of a little boy with Richie’s chocolate brown eyes playing soccer in the park just past their apartment enough to make Eddie’s breath catch in his throat.

“Yeah, I can do that. Do you and Stan need anything at the hospital?” Eddie asks, stepping back from the board with a small smile as he’s satisfied with his work. He puts the cap on the marker, putting back in the tray before he sits back down. He could hear Mike talking to Stan in the background, both of them sounding exhausted but equally happy at the same time.

“There’s a pair of sweats in the dryer at the house, could you bring them? Along with one of the baby beanies we’ve got in the nursery? I forgot to pack one despite the fact that I knew she’d be born in November.” Mike says, earning a nod from Eddie who looks up at the clock. His students would start walking into the classroom any minute now, school starting in ten minutes.

“Course. I’ll stop by around four to drop it all off? I won’t be able to stay for long cause Richie gets off at five tonight and we’ve got....we’ve got plans.” Eddie says, a grin finding it’s way onto his face because they were finally going to try. It had taken Eddie a year to get Richie to even agree to try and that alone made Eddie giddy.

”Oh? What plans do you guys have in store?” Mike asks, a shushing sound echoing through the speaker as a very frustrated cry sounds out on the other end.

“Just stuff, you know...gonna make him a nice dinner and then...well...you know.” Eddie says, earning a laugh from Mike that quickly turns into another shush. Eddie could hear Anastasia crying and even he finds it strange how his heart soars at the sound. To any other person, the sound of a baby crying was probably rather unsettling but to Eddie it almost sounded like music.

“Well you guys have fun doing stuff. Stan and I will be here with our little princess having our fun.” Mike says and Eddie hears Stan in the background yet again asking Mike for something else from their house.

“Do you think you could also grab one of Anastasia’s blankets? Stan doesn’t think two will be enough when we bring her home in a few days.” Mike says, a fond tone to his voice that Eddie could just picture the look on his face. It was the same look Eddie got when he talked about Richie, he called it unconditional love, Mike said it was just because he was whipped.

“Do you want me to just pack a whole suitcase filled with nothing but things for the baby?” Eddie asks, earning another laugh from Mike that quickly faded. Stan is talking again, but Eddie doesn’t pay attention to what he says as some of his students file into the classroom. Eddie smiles softly at them, waving as they put their backpacks in their respective cubbies before taking their seats.

“Stan says yes, I say just bring the blanket and the beanie.”

“Alright, I’ll be by around four. I gotta go, class starts in a few minutes. Give that baby a kiss for me.” Eddie says, exchanging a quick goodbye with his best friend before hanging up the phone. He sends Richie a quick text before he puts his phone away, once again feeling giddy.

To: Trashmouth<3 Sent: 8:23 am

I can’t wait for tonight, love you xx


	11. Ten: Rain check

_**Ten** _

_**Rain check** _

“Come on, Roxy. Come and get your food little kitty.” Eddie calls out softly, keeping an eye out for the almost ancient cat that belonged to the Uris-Hanlon’s. She didn’t really like Eddie, but to fair she didn’t really like anyone who wasn’t Stan. Eddie was a little bit terrified of her, mainly due to the fact the last time he’d stopped by she had jumped out of nowhere and bit his hand. He still had the scar and the memory fresh in his mind.

“Roxy, you need to come out so I can at least assure Stan you aren’t dead.” Eddie says, watching the entrance to the kitchen rather wearily. He jumps when there’s a loud crash, looking towards the noise to catch sight of the stark white cat that often haunted his nightmares. She’s looking at him like he’s something to eat and Eddie wastes no time in getting out of the house.

He went straight to the hospital after that, grabbing the small bag of things from the house out of the backseat once he arrives. He walks pretty quickly to Stan’s room, feeling like he’s pressed for time but really it was just cause he wanted to hold the baby.

“Mike, you’re holding her wrong!” Is the first thing Eddie hears along with high pitch wailing as he walks into Stan’s hospital room.

”I am holding her just like I did yesterday, Stan. She’s just hungry.” Mike says, trying to calm down the baby as Stan sits up in his bed with a very grumpy expression. The expression fades when he catches sight of Eddie though, a bright smile now there instead.

“Eddie! You made it.” Stan says excitedly, Mike turning around with a grateful expression on his own face.

“Yeah. Sorry I’m a little late, Roxy tried to kill me.” Eddie says, walking further into the room. He hands Stan the bag filled with his stuff, kissing his friend’s cheek as he does so. Anastasia had stopped crying now and Eddie is holding his arms out for her.

”Watch her head.” Mike says as he slowly passes his daughter over to Eddie. Eddie’s smile is almost blinding as he holds the baby, a part of him feeling whole for just that moment.

He couldn’t wait until it was his baby he was holding, a little boy with Richie’s beautiful eyes...or a little girl, Eddie didn’t care. He just wanted a baby. Eddie stays for longer than he probably should have, having not been paying attention to the time. He’s quick to say goodbye to his friends, giving the small baby a quick kiss to her forehead before he leaves the hospital.

Richie’s home by the time Eddie gets there, his car parked in the spot next to Eddie’s. Eddie walks straight up to their apartment, a smile on his face and a skip in his step as he enters. He doesn’t see Richie right away, but he can hear the shower running. Eddie thinks about maybe joining him, but instead he decides to start dinner. He had the whole evening planned, something that Richie would normally tease him about but Eddie didn’t seem to mind. It was a special thing to Eddie, the start of the new chapter of their lives...so naturally, Eddie had it planned.

He perks up when the shower turns off, the apartment falling into a silence except for the sound of Richie moving around in their bedroom. Eddie keeps cooking though, smiling softly as he thinks about how great that night was going to be.

“Hey, what are you cooking?” Richie asks, having finally walked out of the bedroom. He had a duffel bag in his left hand and a plane ticket in his right, but Eddie hadn’t noticed yet.

“Well I was going to make homemade pizza, but I lost track of time at the hospital so I’m maki—wait why are you carrying a bag?” Eddie asks, having turned around mid sentence and catching sight of Richie’s travel bag.

”Didn’t you get my text? Bill and I are covering a music festival in England.” Richie says and Eddie stops what he’s doing, the bright smile on his face falling instantly because that wasn’t apart of his plan.

“But...what about...what about tonight?” Eddie asks, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt in that moment. It was just typical.

”I’m sorry, Eds...but our flight is in like two hours. I promise as soon as I get back, I’ll take you out to a nice dinner, somewhere fancy...and we can...we can try then.” Richie says, shrugging like that was the best answer he could give and Eddie does his best to keep calm.

“Fine.” Eddie says, his voice holding no emotion to it but Richie still doesn’t seem to catch on to the fact that Eddie was upset.

“I’ll be back on Saturday.” Richie says, walking into the kitchen to give his husband a kiss but Eddie moves at the last minute so Richie’s lips land on his cheek. Richie honestly should’ve seen it coming, but he was still surprised that Eddie had actually done that. Even when he was angry with him, Eddie still let Richie kiss him.

“I love you.” Richie whispers as he pulls away, earning nothing more than a nod from Eddie. Richie knows he shouldn’t leave if Eddie’s upset with him, but he really did have a flight to catch. So he kisses Eddie’s cheek one last time before walking out of the apartment without another word.


	12. Eleven: The rough patch

_**Eleven** _

_**The rough patch** _

Richie couldn’t sleep, laying on the cheap bed in the cheap hotel hotel room listening to just the sound of Bill snoring in the bed next to his. Richie keeps looking at the clock, wondering if maybe it wasn’t too early in New York to give Eddie a call. Richie felt terrible for just leaving, he should’ve stayed until Eddie wasn’t angry with him anymore….

But Richie needed to leave. He needed space so he could think, he needed to figure out what he was going to do. He didn’t want to tell Eddie no, he didn’t want to see that crushed look on Eddie’s face when he finally just said he was putting his foot down and he wouldn’t have a baby. No...Richie wouldn’t do that, but that was how Richie felt in that moment. So Richie ran, going to England to some music festival that he honestly couldn’t remember the name of...and he was already regretting it, but it was too late now.

Richie glances at the clock again, letting out a sigh as he sees it just past two in the morning. He’d been in England enough times over the years to know that Eddie would be a wake by now. Richie climbs out of bed, grabbing his phone off the nightstand before walking out to the hotel balcony. He calls Eddie once he’s outside, leaning against the railing as he waits patiently for Eddie to answer.

“Hello?” Eddie answers after the fourth ring, sleep still evident in his voice and Richie bites back a smile at the image of his sleepy husband. He’d only been gone for a few hours, but he already missed Eddie like crazy.

“Hey, did I wake you?” Richie asks, keeping his voice down despite the fact he knew Bill wouldn’t be able to hear him.

“Not really, just haven’t gotten my coffee yet. How was your flight?” Eddie asks, his voice just as quiet as Richie’s.

“It was uh…it was good.” Richie says and all Eddie does is hum in response. There’s silence for a moment, Richie feeling a little on edge as Eddie doesn’t say anything.

“Are…are we okay?” Richie asks, the question seeming to float in the air as Eddie remains quiet for another moment. Eddie lets out a sigh and Richie bites down hard on his lip he’s almost certain he’s drawing blood. He hated it when Eddie was mad at him and lately that’s all Eddie seemed to be towards him.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I’m sure it’s just a rough patch, but I’m…I’m still kinda angry with you, you know? I know that we just agreed about it, but I planned everything out and…you literally just left. And for the record, you didn’t text me anything about your little music festival. So I need you to be honest with me, did you leave just so we wouldn’t try for a baby last night?” Eddie asks and it’s Richie’s turn to hesitate in his answer. Was this when he tells him?

“I…I guess so. I don’t...I don’t know, Eds. It’s everything...I just don’t think I’m ready for this, you know? I know that you are, and I’m trying to be but I just…” Richie trails off, running a hand through his hair as he lets out a long sigh, “I’m not ready to have a baby.”

“Then why did you say yes?”

“What was I supposed to say? You’ve made it more than clear that this is what you want and I want to be able to give you what you want, but right now it’s just too much. I said yes because I love you and I don’t...I don’t want to lose you.” Richie says honestly, but he doesn’t feel any better. He could practically picture the look on Eddie’s face and he already felt like he should’ve just given him what he wanted. Richie would get nine months to warm up to the idea of a child...Eddie wouldn’t be angry with him...they wouldn’t be having this conversation.

“Having a baby isn’t going to make you lose me, Richie.”

“But saying that I don’t want one will, that’s what I’m trying to say here, Eds.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do. All we’ve done for nearly four days now is argue about this. You’ve been angry with me pretty much every day, to the point where you wouldn’t even talk to me. So don’t tell me that I don’t know, because I do. If I tell you no, if I refuse to do this...you’re going to leave me. Just admit it.”

“Why? Why do I have to admit it if you all of a sudden know everything, Richie? Do you really think I’m that selfish?” Richie nearly flinches at the way Eddie says it, the words almost like venom.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Richie says quickly, trying to keep the situation from blowing up in his face but he could tell it was a little late for that.

“It's what you’re implying.”

“No, it’s not. Stop making this a bigger deal than it is.” Richie says, instantly regretting it when Eddie takes in a sharp breath. Richie pinches the bridge of his nose, silently chewing himself out.

“Have fun at your stupid music festival, Richie.” Is all Eddie says though, hanging up the phone and Richie lets out a groan. He just made the situation even worse.

What the hell was he going to come home to?


	13. Twelve: Surprises

_**Twelve** _

_**Surprises** _

Eddie feels like throwing his phone across the room once he hangs up on Richie, letting out a very loud groan as he places his head in his hands. He stays like that for a few minutes, trying to wrap his head around everything until the coffee pot beeps. Eddie feels sick to his stomach at the smell, but he’s just blaming it on the headache he’d woken up with. He can’t even bring himself to drink it now, leaving the pot untouched as he walks to the bathroom. He’s hoping a quick shower will make it better, but if anything he feels worse as he climbs out.

Eddie still goes to work though, walking into the school building at his usual time of just twenty minutes before the first bell rings. He was one of the few who actually showed up early, the halls pretty much deserted as he walks to his classroom. He’s grateful for the peace and quiet as he writes that days agenda on the board, sitting down once he was done to brace himself for the day.

His headache doesn’t get any better throughout the day, neither did the sick feeling in his stomach. He’s grateful by the time the final bell rings and he’s even more grateful once he gets home. He looks at his phone for the first time since that morning as he walks through the front door, rolling his eyes when he sees how many missed calls he has from Richie.

He doesn’t call him back though, still angry with Richie and he honestly didn’t feel like calling his husband back. He didn’t want to hear the same thing over and over again from Richie, so Eddie feels like Richie can wait a few days. Maybe he’ll come up with a whole new level of excuses, Eddie just couldn’t wait to hear those.

Eddie turns in early that night, still not feeling all that great. He hardly gets any sleep, his chest sore and the bed just felt far too cold without Richie next to him. By the time he finally falls asleep, he feels like his alarm is going off and Eddie can’t bring himself to go into work that morning. So he calls for a sub teacher, spending the rest of his morning in bed but with a pounding headache. He hurts everywhere and he didn’t get why.

So he finds himself calling for a doctor’s appointment when he wakes up for the third morning in a row feeling like absolute shit. He has to drag himself out of bed, not even bothering to really get dressed and remaining in his sweats and oversized hoodie. He got an early appointment so he didn’t end up having to wait around for long, being lead back to an exam room after only a few moments.

Richie is calling again, but Eddie can’t bring himself to answer. Richie would be home that afternoon anyways, he’d gotten a very early flight and Eddie had decided they’d just talk when Richie came home. Eddie wasn’t looking forward to it, but he knew it was inevitable. Eddie isn’t even paying attention as the nurse takes his vitals, only flinching a little when she takes some blood. He only tunes in when she hands him a small cup, giving him directions to the bathroom and what exactly he was supposed to do.

Eddie does as she says, returning to the exam room once he’s finished where he waits for a little longer. The doctor sounds over the moon excited as she walks in, holding a clipboard in her hand with Eddie’s test results.

———————

Richie wants nothing more than to get home as soon as the plane lands. He’d had a horrible time at the festival for several reasons, but the main was that he was terrified at what he’d be coming home to. Eddie hadn’t talked to him for nearly three days, the longest either of them had gone since the time in University when Richie had been stupid enough to tell Eddie he needed a break. Richie had to pretty much drop to his knees and ask forgiveness back then, who’s to say what he’d have to do this time?

He calls Eddie when the plane lands, leaving a voicemail letting his husband know he’s on his way home. Bill gives him a lift home, the older wishing Richie good luck once they reached his apartment. Richie feels like he needs more than luck as he walks up the two flights of stairs that led up to his and Eddie’s apartment, the walk seeming to drag on far longer than needed.

Richie hesitates at the front door, his hand on the doorknob as he takes in a deep breath. He didn’t know what was waiting for him behind that door, he didn’t know if he was walking in on a possibility of divorce or if Eddie had actually somehow forgiven him.

When he does walk into the apartment, it’s not either of those things. The place is empty, not a sound being made. There’s a light on in the kitchen though, something that never happens as Eddie was one of those who always turned off the lights. Richie was the one who left them on.

Richie walks into the kitchen with a confused expression, his eyes catching onto something on the counter. He recognizes it almost instantly, his hands shaking as he reaches out to grab the small picture. Attached to it is a sticky note in Eddie’s handwriting and Richie feels his stomach drop because this wasn’t a prank.

_Congrats, once you get your head out of your ass, you’re going to be a dad. Until then, I’ll be staying at my sister’s._

_All the love, Eddie._


	14. Thirteen: The first step

_**Thirteen** _

_**The first step** _

Richie feels like he can’t breathe, his chest clenching tightly as he drops the sonogram back onto the kitchen counter.

“Fuck.” Richie groans out, his eyes shut and his head in his hands. He tugs at his hair, trying to wrap his thoughts around it but all he could think about was that Eddie was pregnant and Richie knew how it happened.

_It was back in August. Mike was throwing his usual over the top birthday party despite the fact that Stan had begged him not to. Stan was seven months pregnant, he didn’t like to do much but Mike was all about celebrating his last birthday before the baby came. Richie took Mike’s side, Eddie picked Stan’s._

_Richie had been in a bad mood that night, for reasons that he still hasn’t told Eddie about despite it being a while back. They’d shown up at separate times, Eddie already at the party when Richie arrived. Richie didn’t seek his husband out right away, instead he had gone straight to Mike’s open bar. Richie was one who liked to forget his problems, Eddie had always hated that aspect of his husband._

_Eddie had found him when he was three drinks in, the buzz finally starting to hit enough to where Richie didn’t feel like he was falling apart. Eddie doesn’t say a word about Richie’s state, not wanting to fight and for that Richie was grateful._

_It had been Richie’s idea to ditch the party early after Stan blew out the candles, he needed air and Eddie didn’t seem to mind when Richie’s lips brushed his ear. Most of it was a blur for Richie, but he remembered Eddie stopping him just before they went through with it._

_“Did you grab a condom?” Eddie had asked, looking up at Richie with a soft expression. His forehead was already slick with sweat, his lips swollen and Richie was quite proud of the hickey at the base of Eddie’s clavicle._

_“I think we’re out...I can run to the store if you want but I’m okay with risking it if you are…” Richie had offered and Eddie didn’t hesitate anymore._

“Fuck…” Richie groans out again, opening his eyes only to wish he hadn’t as the sonogram was practically staring at him. Richie almost thought about taking the damn thing and throwing it away, but he just knew that would make Eddie upset if he found out. Well, more upset than he already was. Not once in their five years together had Eddie actually walked out on Richie. It didn’t matter if they were screaming at each other, Eddie always stayed…

But Eddie wasn’t home, he’d run away to his sister’s, leaving Richie alone to deal with his own mistakes. Richie couldn’t make any more excuses, he couldn’t tell Eddie he wasn’t ready, that he thinks they should wait because he didn’t have that luxury anymore.

Eddie was pregnant, with his baby and Richie felt like he could really use a drink. So he grabs his car keys off the counter, walking out of the apartment and completely ignoring his neighbor Mrs. Greenblatt who was always a little too nosy for her own good. She was always in the middle of everyone’s business it seemed and Richie honestly wasn’t in the mood to deal with her that moment.

Richie drives to the closet bar, walking through the front door, and ordering the strongest thing he could think of. He doesn’t touch it for a few minutes, once again placing his head in his hands and tugging at his hair. He wasn’t ready, he couldn’t...he couldn’t be a dad.

The thought alone was enough to make Richie down the entire drink, putting the glass back down on the counter and signaling the bartender for another. Richie’s hands are still shaking and he feels like he’s gasping for air yet again. Eddie just didn’t get it, he didn’t understand how terrifying Richie found all of this...and Richie was supposed to just be okay with that. He was supposed to just throw his hands in the air and pretend like he just didn’t care anymore.

It was what Eddie wanted and hell, Richie wanted it too...he wanted to be over the moon about this. He wanted one of those cliche movie moments where he spins Eddie around in a circle, kissing him as he puts Eddie back on his feet because he was just that happy. He wanted to sit at home and argue with Eddie over baby names, not sit alone at a bar with his third drink almost completely gone while Eddie ignores all his calls.

Richie wanted a happy family, he wanted that with Eddie, but Richie didn’t know what it was like to have a happy family. Eddie had a happy family, the one where everyone loved and respected each other despite all their flaws. Richie didn’t. Richie had the parents that kept him up with their constant screaming, he had the parents who hated each other and him. He grew up stuck in the middle of their fights, even when his mother finally divorced his father.

Richie didn’t want that for his kid. His kid deserved better...and that meant that Richie needed to get over himself. So he pays the bartender, standing up a little shakily and walking out of the bar. He pulls out his phone, dialing Eddie’s number as soon as he is outside.

“I’m sorry.”


	15. Fourteen: Stuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story, Eddie’s dad didn’t die and divorce Myria when Eddie was six and took Eddie to live with him, he got remarried when Eddie was sixteen and he gained a sister named Anya.

_**Fourteen** _

_**Stuck** _

”And hello to you too, assface.” Anya says on the other line, surprising Richie for a moment. He takes his phone off his ear to see if he’d accidentally called Anya, but it was definitely Eddie’s number on his screen.

”Where’s Eddie?” Richie asks, running a hand through his hair before shivering a little as a breeze hits him.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you right now.” Anya says and Richie lets out a sigh.

”Well I want to talk to him, so please put him on the phone.” Richie says, scrapping his shoe on the curb before he sits down. He was waiting until he sobered up before he drove the thirty minutes it would take to get to Anya’s.

“Why?” Anya asks and Richie puts his head in his free hand. On any other day, Richie absolutely adored Anya but in that moment he just really wished she’d shut up.

“Because I fucked up, Anya. I’m sure he’s told you all about it, so please just...I need to talk to him and tell him how sorry I am.” Richie says quietly, clenching his eyes shut and taking in a deep breath.

“You really think apologizing over the phone is the way to do it?” Anya asks and Richie throws his hand up in the air. It was moments like these where Richie had no doubt in his mind that Anya and Eddie were siblings.

“I know it’s not going to just magically fix the entire situation, Anya. It’s a start, so please put him on the phone. I know he’s there, I can hear him.” Richie says, trying his best not to sound annoyed but he honestly just wanted to talk to Eddie right now, not his sister.

”He already said he doesn’t want to talk to you, so maybe you should respect his wishes.” Anya says and Richie can’t help the groan that escapes him now.

“Anya, please.” Richie whispers, putting his head in his free hand again. It’s quiet on Anya’s end for a moment and Richie thinks she actually hung up on him.

“I really don’t want to talk to you right now.” Eddie’s voice surprises Richie, making the older sit up straighter and clear his throat. It had been several days since he’d heard Eddie’s voice and in just that second, he realizes just how badly he missed him.

“I know...I know...but I just...I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry...I’m sorry for how much of a dick I’ve been these past few days, I should’ve been more understanding of what you wanted and I get it now...I want the baby, I want our family...”Richie says, cringing a little due to the fact that it all sounded so much better in his head.

“Do you? Or are you just saying that because now you don’t have a choice?” Eddie asks and Richie shakes his head quickly, standing up from the curb.

“I do have a choice, Eds. I have a choice to be happy about the fact that we’re having a baby or be bitter about it and end up like my own parents. I don’t...I don’t want that for our kid. I’m sorry that I’ve been so against it and that it took you actually getting pregnant for me to realize what an ass I was being. So can you please just come home? I’d much rather talk to you about this there than outside of a bar while you’re thirty minutes away.” Richie says, not even thinking about it until Eddie takes in a sharp breath. Richie’s drinking had always been a problem since back before they were even together. Richie did it to forget and as the years passed, it took a few more than just one to reach that point.

“Eddie...” Richie starts, having realized his mistake although it was a few seconds too late.

”You promised you’d stop.” Is all Eddie says, but it was still enough to shake Richie to his very core because it was true. He had promised and now he’s just adding yet another rock to the pile he was already buried in.

“I know...I’m sorry.” Richie whispers, closing his eyes only to snap them back open as he picture the disappointed look Eddie was more than likely giving out.

“I think it’s best if we spend some time away from each other. I think you have some shit you need to work out and I...I need to figure out some things myself.” Eddie says, his voice barley over a whisper and Richie swears that he sounds like he’s about to cry.

“Eds, we can’t just sweep it all under the rug and pretend like it’s not there. We need to talk this out.” Richie says just as quietly, biting his lip as he glances at the closed door behind him. He wanted to go back in there, but he already knew how that would end.

“I know we do, but right now I need space. I need to get my head straight and I think you do too. It’ll just be for a few days...”Eddie trails off like that makes Richie feel any better about the situation. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. They were supposed to be happy....

“Okay...if space...if space is what you need, then I’ll give you space.” Richie whispers, swallowing the lump in his throat because this was the opposite of what he wanted.

“I love you, Richie. You know that right?” Eddie asks and Richie lets out a shaky breath before he nods.

”Yeah....I love you too, Eds.”


	16. Fifteen: The Three Day Rule

_**Fifteen** _

_**Three Day Rule** _

Richie waits until Monday before he finally decides enough is enough. He calls Bill first thing in the morning, letting his co-host know that he won’t be in that day. Richie makes sure everything is perfect in the apartment, along with the small surprise he’d set up in the spare bedroom. Once he’s satisfied, Richie goes to the closest flower shop and grabs a bouquet of yellow daises for Eddie. Eddie had always found roses as a cliche, Richie still remembered the rant Eddie had launched into on their first date about roses. It was one of the things that made Richie realize he really liked Eddie at the time, how passionate he was about little things.

Richie arrives at the school just before lunch time, the bell ringing as Richie walks into the building. Tons of children come flooding out of classrooms, the younger kids trailing behind their teachers. Richie sees Eddie far sooner than Eddie sees him, a soft smile on his face as Richie catches sight of his husband leading his class of fifteen down the hallway. Richie goes to Eddie’s classroom instead of meeting him in the hall, sitting down on Eddie’s desk as he waits patiently for his husband to return. Richie smiles a little at the picture on Eddie’s desk, one of the both of them back in their last year of university. It had been the night Richie had asked Eddie to marry him, the picture taken just moments before he finally popped the question he’d put off for nearly two weeks. Richie looks up when he hears the door open, his smile falling when it isn’t Eddie in front of him but someone vaguely familiar. Richie couldn’t quite remember his name or really how he knew him, but he already didn’t like this guy.

“Is there something I could help you with? Are you looking for one of Mr. Kaspbrak’s students?”The guy asks, looking to be on edge as Richie stands up.

“No, I’m waiting for Eddie to come back. I’m his husband.” Richie says, smiling rather smugly as he states it. It had been three years and he was still giddy over the title, especially when it came to people Richie claimed as a threat. Richie was the jealous type to say the least, not that he would ever admit that out loud or anything. It was yet another quality that Eddie didn’t particularly like about his husband sometimes, especially when he took things too far...but it had been quite sometime since Richie had gone overboard.

“Oh...right. Forgot he was married. I’m uh...I’m Mateo Taylor. I’m the substitute teacher for Mr. Hanlon until he returns from his leave.” Mateo says, holding out his hand for Richie to shake but Richie makes no move to do so. The name was familiar, but Richie still couldn’t pinpoint where he’d heard it or who this guy was just yet.

Eddie returns to his classroom before Richie gets the chance to ask any questions, his eyes widening in surprise when he sees his husband.

”Richie? What are you doing here?” Eddie asks, his eyes flickering towards Mateo for just a second before returning to Richie.

”I was hoping we could talk?” Richie says but it comes out as more of a question than anything. Eddie had asked for space and here Richie was...not giving him space.

“Now? I’ve only got like twenty minutes till the kids are back.” Eddie says, but Richie feels like it’s an excuse more than anything else.

“It won’t take long. Just a few minutes.” Richie promises, earning a sigh from Eddie before he finally nods.

“Okay...Mateo, would you give us a few minutes?” Eddie asks, looking at the third person in the room. Richie had honestly forgotten he was there, finding him completely irrelevant. Mateo walks out of the classroom, leaving Eddie and Richie alone.

”So...”Eddie starts, trailing off as he looks at Richie.

”I want you to come home.” Richie says and Eddie lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head a little as he leans against the wall. Richie thinks about closing the distance between them, but it was clear Eddie didn’t want that. Richie felt like there was a wall up and Eddie’s walls were nearly impossible to break down once they were up.

“I know...I know you’re angry with me, and I’m sorry for being an idiot and a dick and just an all around asshole this past week...but I can’t fix anything if you don’t give me the chance to do so. I want this to work, Eddie. I want us to work.” Richie says, maintaining eye contact with his husband as Eddie shakes his head.

“I asked for space, Richie.”

”And I gave it to you.” Richie says, trying to keep his voice steady as yelling would only make the situation worse.

“You gave me three days.” Eddie shoots back, folding his arms across his chest and quirking his eyebrows, almost as if he was daring Richie to say something else.

”I’m just asking you to come home for one night, Eddie. I’m not asking you to just forgive me right now, you have every right to be angry with me...just one night, that’s all I’m asking of you.” Richie says quietly, moving from his spot against the desk and walking over to his husband. He grabs one of Eddie’s hands, kissing the knuckles softly before he rests his other hand on Eddie’s waist.

“One night, Eds.” Richie whispers and Eddie lets out a sigh before he finally nods.

“Fine, I’ll come home but you’re sleeping on the couch.” Eddie says, trying his best to remain upset with Richie but he was already melting underneath his touch. Richie had always been able to do that.

”I wouldn’t have it any other way.”


	17. Sixteen: The Simplest Of Things

_**Sixteen** _

_**The simplest of things** _

Eddie sits outside in the parking lot for longer than he cares to admit, staring at the staircase that lead up to his and Richie’s apartment and wondering if it was even worth it to go up there. He didn’t know what Richie had planned, but knowing him it was something over the top because that’s what Richie always did when Eddie was upset with him. Eddie wished that Richie would go simple, he’d voiced it several times over their five years, but Richie always thought Eddie deserved more.

 _**From: Trashmouth <3 Received: 5:07 pm  
** _ _are you coming in or do you want me to come get you?_

Eddie lets out a soft sigh before he finally gets out of the car, walking to the back door to grab out his bag he’d brought to Lucas’s. He still takes his time as he heads up to their apartment, stopping at the door before taking in a deep breath. He braces himself before he opens the door, putting on a half smile despite the fact that all he wanted to do was head back down to his car and leave.

“Richie?” Eddie calls out, a confused expression on his face as he doesn’t catch sight of his husband at first. Their apartment wasn’t the biggest, Eddie wanting the smaller one despite how much Richie insisted they get the town house further in the city. Eddie hated the idea of a big home, especially when Richie started to travel around for work, leaving him alone.

”In the spare bedroom, Eds.” Richie calls back, earning another from Eddie before he walks down the hall. He can hear Richie moving around, letting out a curse word just as Eddie opens the door. Eddie’s eyes widen when he sees what Richie’s done with the previously empty room. For once, Richie hadn’t gone over the top. He’d only set up a crib with a baby mobile hanging over the top of it, but to Eddie that was enough. It wasn’t going to fix everything, but it sure as hell was a start.

“I know it’s not much, but I had to do something...I had this grand idea of doing the entire nursery but I knew you’d be upset if I did that and I just really didn’t wa-“ Richie starts to ramble, something he did when there was a silence that made him uncomfortable.

“It’s perfect, Richie.” Eddie says quietly, having walked over to the crib. He’s running his fingers across the wood, looking inside of it and just picturing what they’d have in less than nine months. A baby would be in that crib, a perfect little mix of the both of them.

“You think?” Richie asks, watching his husband wearily with his arms crossed over his chest. Eddie looks up from the crib and over at Richie, a soft smile on his face as he nods.

“Yeah...I really do.” Eddie says, moving away from the crib and walking over to his husband who wraps his arms tightly around him for what felt like the first time in weeks. Eddie takes in a deep breath, smiling contently as he hadn’t realized how badly he’d missed Richie’s smell and Richie in general.

“I’m sorry.” Richie whispers after a few minutes pass and Eddie pulls away from their embrace.

”I’m sorry too...I haven’t exactly been very understanding of your side of things...I’ve just been so focused on what I wanted that I just...I didn’t seem to care about what you wanted and that was selfish of me and I’m so-“

“Are you sick of apologies as I am, Eds? Can we just start focusing on what’s next? We’ve got a baby coming...we’re gonna start a family.” Richie says and Eddie swears that’s the first time he’s ever heard Richie actually sound excited about the prospect of a baby.

”And you’re just suddenly okay with it?” Eddie asks.

“Well yeah...I’m still terrified, but I think you are too and that makes it better...I want to have the chance to prove to myself and to you that I’m not like my parents...I want to be a father and it just took me a while to figure that out.” Richie says, his gaze falling onto Eddie’s stomach and he reaches out a hand to touch it.

“You didn’t have to prove anything to me, Richie. I already know that you’re going to be a great father...it’s just you who seems to think you won’t be.” Eddie whispers, biting his lip after he speaks as he lays his hand down on top of Richie’s. It was a moment that Eddie wanted to last forever, feeling at peace for the first time in days.

“I’m only going to be great because you make me great, Eds...I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Richie whispers back, leaning in to kiss his husband softly. They’re both smiling when Richie pulls back, Eddie reaching to wrap both of his arms around Richie’s neck.

“You’d probably still be obsessed with the Backstreet Boys.” Eddie says, earning a loud laugh from his husband before Richie nods from agreement.

“You’re right, thank god you came around and showed me reason.” Richie says and it’s Eddie’s turn to laugh.

“Yeah right, I know that you and Bill still have your little jam parties in the studio. I saw the poster in Bill’s office.” Eddie teases and Richie is grinning like a fool because he’d missed this.

And he do absolutely anything to keep it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Richie having Backstreet Boy jam sessions🥺


	18. Seventeen: An early morning

_**Seventeen** _

_**An early morning** _

Eddie wakes up to the feeling of Richie moving off their bed early the next morning, the action making Eddie let out a soft groan as he’d been quite comfortable curled up into Richie’s side. Richie turns around at the sound, smiling sheepishly as he notices he’d woken up his husband.

“Sorry babe, didn’t mean to wake you.” Richie says, reaching into the dresser drawer for a clean t-shirt. Eddie was surprised that Richie hadn’t put one on before they’d gone to bed, the cold November air enough to make Eddie throw on a sweatshirt for bed despite Richie being a space heater. 

“What are you doing up so early?” Eddie asks, sitting up as Richie pulls on his shirt to look over at the alarm clock. He just about throws his head in annoyance when he sees it’s not even past four yet. Eddie didn’t even know what time they’d gone to bed, but he sure as hell knew that four in the morning was too fucking early to be awake.

“Gotta head to the station, Bill needs me to cover the early morning. Chance called in.” Richie says, looking at Eddie apologetically as he really hadn’t meant to wake up his husband. Once Eddie was awake, he didn’t go back to sleep which Eddie hated more than anything especially with how light of a sleeper he was.

“Fucking hate Chance...” Eddie grumbles, falling back down against his pillow with a loud sigh. Richie laughs a little, shaking his head as he walks into their adjoining bathroom to brush his teeth. Eddie closes his eyes, hoping that he can at least attempt to fall asleep but he gives up after a few more minutes. Richie is doing his hair when Eddie walks into the bathroom, acknowledging Eddie’s presence with a small smile.

“When are you going to be home tonight?” Eddie asks, running a hand through his hair as he yawns before grabbing his own toothbrush. Eddie was half tempted to just go crawl back into the bed, the bathroom colder than their bedroom had been.

“Probably the usual time, why?” Richie asks, shaking his head when his hair just wasn’t doing what he wanted it to. Eddie tries not to roll his eyes, having spent years teasing Richie about how much of a perfectionist he was when it came to his hair but heaven forbid he put his dirty clothes in the hamper. That was a battle that Eddie was certain they’d be having for the rest of their days, the thought alone brings a small smile to Eddie’s face.

“My dad wants us over for dinner sometime, figured we could go over tonight...maybe tell him he’s gonna be a grandpa or something.” Eddie says a little offhandedly, looking at Richie through the mirror to gauge his reaction. Eddie still didn’t feel like Richie was completely on board with the baby, sure he’d taken some steps but nobody changes their mind in a day, especially Richie. If there was one thing that Eddie had learned in their five years together, it was that Richie was most definitely a creature of habit. But Eddie wanted this to work, he wanted the happy family...so he was just going to go along with whatever Richie was saying.

“Sure, we can do that if you want to. Do you want me to pick you up or are you going to meet me there?” Richie asks, stepping back from the mirror with a satisfied look when his hair finally does what he wants. It takes Eddie a moment to respond as he finishes up brushing his teeth.

“I can pick you up on my way, it seems stupid to take two cars and for you to circle back around to get me. I can run you to work too, being since I’m up anyways...maybe I’ll hang out at the station till I need to head to work.” Eddie says, earning a shrug from Richie as he walks out of the bathroom. Eddie has no shame as he watches Richie walk away, smiling a little to himself.

“Sure, if that’s what you want to do. You might get bored though, it’ll just be us in there until Bill shows up at ten.” Richie says a little louder as he’s in the next room.

“Well I’ll have to leave at seven, unless I get a substitute...” Eddie trails off, actually liking the idea of taking the day off and just being with his husband. It felt like it had been ages since they’d done that even though Eddie knew for a fact that wasn’t true.

“You do whatever you want to, but if you’re taking me to work we gotta leave in the next ten minutes or I’ll be late.” Richie says, starling Eddie a little when he walks back into the bathroom and kisses his cheek.

“Maybe I’ll crash your show then, but only if you provide breakfast.” Eddie says after his heart stops racing, smiling when Richie does because Eddie always loved Richie’s smile. He hoped their baby would have that smile, hell he hoped their baby looked exactly like Richie. He could picture a little girl with Richie’s beautiful curly hair and a laugh that echoed through the halls just like Richie’s did.

“Whatever your heart desires, my love...but you for real need to get ready or we’re going to be late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t updated in a while, online school is kicking my ass😔


	19. Eighteen: A house filled with love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie’s stepmom Nicole is going to play a big part in the story, as Eddie doesn’t keep in touch with his mother and his father sadly passed away after his battle with cancer(in this story and AU) so Eddie only has Nicole as that parent figure in his life. Also I have my own little headcannon that Eddie used to have blond hair and grew it out until it reached his mid back but cut it cause it was too hard for him to manage lol.

_**Eighteen** _

_**A house filled with love** _

”Your mom does realize we’re coming right?” Richie asks, looking over at his husband with a curious expression as Eddie rings the doorbell for the second time. They stand awkwardly on Nicole’s front doorstep, waiting for Eddie’s mother to answer his front door.

“I texted her this morning but she didn’t respond...maybe she’s just running late?” Eddie offers up, getting ready to ring the doorbell for the third time only to jump when his mother throws open the door. She looks a little flustered but that expression fades when she sees her son standing in front of her. She’s quick to throw her arms around him in a tight hug as she felt like it had been weeks since she’d last seen him.

“Hello to you too, mom.” Eddie says softly, laughing a little when she pulls away only to pull Richie into a hug. Richie lets out a squeak of surprise, not having grown accustomed to Nicole’s tight hugs even though he’d been with Eddie for over five years. Richie didn’t grow up in a home where physical affection was a thing, the most Richie had ever received was his father patting him on the shoulder until Richie started to date Eddie. It had been a complete culture shock for him when he first met Eddie’s family, in more ways than one.

“Come on in you two. I was just finishing up dinner.” Nicole says after letting go of Richie. Richie clears his throat as they walk in, scratching the back of his head as he felt a little awkward. Richie was still growing used to the Kaspbrak family, feeling out of place despite how much Nicole said she adored him.

“I hope you boys are good with lasagna.” Nicole says as they walk further into the house, Eddie walking beside his mother into the kitchen while Richie hangs back in the living room. He can hear the two of them talking away in the kitchen, but Richie doesn’t want to be apart of the conversation.

He’s more interested in the photos adorning Nicole’s living room. There was no doubt in Richie’s mind that Eddie grew up in a home filled with love, the pictures alone enough to prove that fact to Richie. Richie’s mom only had three pictures of Richie and he wouldn’t even get started on his father. He was almost certain his father didn’t have a single photo of him, that would require them being on speaking terms.

“Richie? You okay?” Eddie calls out, causing his husband to jump a little at the sound as he hadn’t realized he’d spaced out. Richie clears his throat again before he finally walks into the kitchen, plastering on a smile. He was still feeling nervous, unsure of how Nicole was going to react to the news of a baby on the way...they’d been married for three years and Nicole loved kids just as much as Eddie did...she had to be happy, right?

“Yeah, sorry...I had to look at your graduation picture again. I still can’t believe your hair was that blond and long.” Richie says, earning a soft laugh from Richie.

“Babe, you met me when my hair was that blond and long. You should’ve seen it when I was sixteen.” Eddie says, pretending to shiver as if the memory alone haunted him.

”Yeah, but you got your hair cut and dyed brown right after we met. I only saw the blond locks for a few weeks.” Richie points out, sitting down next to Eddie and throwing an arm around his shoulder. Eddie rests his head against Richie for a second, letting out a content sigh as Richie runs his fingers through his hair.

“I can’t say I really miss the long hair...it was a nightmare to manage.” Eddie says softly, Richie letting out a laugh before nodding in agreement.

”Hopefully our kid doesn’t get blessed with that long of hair.” Richie says, not even thinking about it until there’s a loud gasp followed by the clattering of pans. Both Eddie and Richie look up to meet Nicole’s gaze, smiling sheepishly.

“There’s gonna be a baby?” She asks, her voice shaking a little which Richie took as a bad sign. He’d grown up in a home where shaky voices meant that yelling was just about to start. Richie’s flinching into Eddie’s side, trying his best to keep calm.

“Surprise, you’re gonna be a grandma.” Eddie says, smiling brightly as his mother lets out a very loud squeal. Eddie knew that his mother would be excited, she had been wanting grandchildren since Lucas graduated from University nearly three years ago and Eddie got engaged. 

“Congratulations, to both of you! A baby is such an exciting thing, when are you due?” Nicole asks, leaning across the kitchen counter with a bright grin on her face. Eddie could see the excitement in his mother’s eyes.

”Sometime in May.” Eddie says, smiling just as bright and Richie seems to relax a little. He moves away from his husband’s side, sitting up straight in his chair and trying to be more invested in the conversation. He wanted to match the excitement in the room, he wanted to be smiling just as brightly...but despite being on board with the whole baby thing...Richie was terrified.

He knew that Eddie would give their baby all the love in the world, but Richie wasn’t sure if he was capable of such a thing. The Kaspbrak family was one filled with love, the Tozier family on the other hand was filled with nothing more than hate.


	20. Nineteen: Holding on

_**Nineteen** _

_**Holding on** _

”Alright, who’s next?” Richie asks as soon as they leave Nicole’s house hand in hand, Eddie still grinning like a fool as he always did when he left his mother’s house. Eddie didn’t go home as often as he would’ve liked, so he cherished the time he got to spend with her when he did.

“Well...it depends on if you want to keep it just between family or not.” Eddie says, thanking Richie as he opens the door for his husband. Eddie sits quietly as he waits for Richie to climb in, tapping his fingers against his leg.

“It’s up to you, babe. I’m fine telling Mike, Stan and Bill if you are.” Richie says once he’s in the car, earning a nod from Eddie.

“Okay...I still think we should tell your parents before them.” Eddie says quietly, looking down at his hands before he bites down on his lip. Richie’s family had always been a touchy subject, in their five years together Eddie had only met Richie’s parents once and that had been at their wedding. It hadn’t ended well and Richie hadn’t spoken to them since.

“Yeah, that’s not happening.” Richie says, starting the car and pulling out of Nicole’s driveway. Eddie starts to play with his hands, something he always did when he was nervous. He understood why Richie and his parents had a difficult relationship, but Eddie felt like Richie kept holding onto the pain they’d caused him instead of letting it go like he really should. Eddie wanted their family to be happy and he knew Richie did too...but if Richie couldn’t move on, what were the chances of that happening? As it was, they were struggling. Sure, the last two days had been amazing...but Eddie knew that it was only a matter of time until Richie does something to screw it up, or Eddie says something he shouldn’t have.

It was like walking on thin ice and that was something Eddie always hated doing.

“It’s their grandchild, Richie...”Eddie says after a few minutes, his voice piercing the silence and Richie’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. Richie didn’t want this to turn into a fight, but Eddie was never one to let things go so easily.

“So? They won’t care, Eddie.” Richie says, keeping his voice steady but he could feel himself shaking. Eddie lets out a sigh before turning to look at his husband. Richie’s eyes were darker than usual, a tell tale sign that he was upset...and Eddie wished more than anything that wasn’t the case. Eddie hated the fact that just the mere mention of his parents set Richie off and he avoided the subject due to that...but sometimes, Eddie had to say what was on his mind.

And Eddie wanted Richie to be happy.

”I know...I know you have a rough relationship with your parents, Richie. But don’t you think it’s about time you move on?” Eddie offers up, choosing his words carefully as he had no intentions of setting Richie off in any way.

“Move on? Eddie, were you there at our wedding? Or was that just me? Because if I remember correctly, my own father stood up when the priest said “if there are any objections to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace” and launched into a thirty minute speech about how much of a disappointment he found me to be. And let’s not forget about the screaming match he got into with my mother about how she didn’t raise me right, yet he was the one who walked out on us when I was only six. So excuse me for not wanting to fix things with him.” Richie says, his voice shaking now and Eddie’s regretting bringing it up...but Richie needed to let it out.

“What about your mother, Richie?” Eddie asks, closing his eyes as Richie takes in a sharp breath.

“What about her? She’s just as bad as he is. I’m not telling them, Eddie. That’s final.” Richie says, pulling into the parking lot for their apartment. It’s quiet again as Richie parks the car, Eddie’s not sure what exactly he was going to say next.

“You’re not going to at least tr-“ Eddie starts and that seems to be the final straw for Richie.

“Fucking hell, Eddie. No, I’m not going to try. I don’t want to try, I don’t need another reason for them to judge me about something that isn’t even worth judgement. I don’t need them to remind me how much of a fuck up I am, I don’t fucking need them and you need to fucking get over it. As far as my family is concerned, they’re all dead to me and I’m sure that it’s the same case for me. So just...just stop trying to force the whole happy family thing on me, that’s not Tozier’s. We don’t work like you do.” Richie says, climbing out of the car before Eddie gets the chance to say anything else. Eddie stays in the car for a moment, folding his arms across his chest as he watches his husband walk towards the stairway. Eddie understood where Richie was coming from, he really did....

He just wished that Richie wasn’t so closed minded about it all...but that was yet another trait about Richie that Eddie disliked.

He was so goddamn stubborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughh I hated writing for Eddie this chapter, he didn’t really understand where Richie was coming from about his parents since he grew up in a loving home, but this was needed for the next chapter👏🏽 
> 
> Also check out my new story “The Contact Plan.” go show it some love💗


	21. Twenty: A shoulder to cry on

_**Twenty** _

_**A shoulder to cry on** _

Eddie takes his time heading into their apartment, spending the few minutes it takes him, thinking of ways to get Richie to forgive him. Eddie knew he’d been out of line, he really should’ve just let it go when Richie asked him to...but Eddie just wanted Richie to be happy, and he had thought getting Richie to let go of the hatred towards his family would’ve done just that...clearly that wasn’t the case and Eddie knew that...but he felt like he had to at least try.

Eddie takes in a deep breath as he walks into the apartment, looking around cautiously as he wasn’t quite sure what frame of mind Richie was in currently. Richie could get pretty violent if he was upset, never towards Eddie of course but that didn’t mean Eddie wasn’t cautious. The apartment is practically silent though and Eddie lets out a long sigh of relief, standing up a little straighter as he walks towards the bedroom. Richie has locked himself inside their bedroom, the sound of the shower running echoing through the room. Eddie knows better than to intrude, Richie needing to be alone for a little while and Eddie still needed to figure out what to say. He didn’t want Richie to be angry with him as Eddie didn’t mean to upset him in the first place.

So Eddie waits and eventually Richie walks out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. Neither of them say anything as Richie pulls on a pair of boxers and t-shirt, the silence nearly driving Eddie insane. Eddie bites his lip, still trying to figure out the right thing to say in that moment because it was more than clear Richie wasn’t going to be the one to speak first.

“I’m sorry.” Eddie finally manages to get out, looking down at his hands as Richie lets out a sigh. Richie finally joins Eddie on the bed, sitting down next to his husband and taking one of his hands into his.

“I’m not...I’m not upset with you, Eds. I’m mostly upset with myself because you’re right...you made some points about how I keep...how I keep holding onto what happened to me in my past and how I really should just let them go...but it’s not so simple, you know? If I let it all go, I’ll forget and if I forget, what’s stopping me from being like them? I’m already like my father, I’m angry all the time, I drink to forget and I...I keep trying to find reasons why I can’t be happy. I’m blaming him and if I stop blaming him...I’ll be him.” Richie whispers, burying his face into Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie feels his shirt start to dampen. Richie didn’t like letting people see him cry, let alone Eddie. In their five years, Eddie had only seen Richie cry twice.

“Richie...you aren’t him. You’re better than he is and I’m sorry that I brought him up. I shouldn’t have and I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you into doing something you don’t want...and if you don’t want to speak to your father or your mother, I understand that and I support your decision completely. It was wrong for me to do that.” Eddie whispers back, resting his head on top of Richie’s. They fall into another silence, Richie’s shoulders shaking for a little while and Eddie wishes he could make it better. Eventually Richie calms down, removing his head from Eddie’s shoulder and placing a soft kiss to his husband’s cheek.

“How did I get so lucky to find someone like you?” Richie whispers, looking at Eddie with a soft expression that reminded Eddie of when they first got together. It was one of the things that Eddie loved about Richie, how despite all the turmoil going on inside of him, he still looked at Eddie like he was his world.

“I’m the lucky one, Richie.” Eddie says, smiling ever so slightly as he runs his fingers through Richie’s still damp hair.

“We could argue about this all day but I’m really the lucky one, Eds. You’ve chosen to be with me despite all of this, you’re having my baby.” Richie says, ducking his head down to kiss Eddie’s stomach which earns a snort from Eddie.

“What?” Richie asks after he pulls away, looking up at his husband with a curious expression.

”You’re a freaking weirdo, there isn’t even a bump there to kiss.” Eddie says, earning a laugh from Richie who wraps both his arms around Eddie.

”Doesn’t matter, that’s where our baby is and I’ll kiss it if I want to. It’s all I get to do till she’s here.” Richie says and Eddie quirks one of his eyebrows at that.

”She? We don’t even know if it’s a she.” Eddie points out, earning a nod from Richie before he shrugs.

”Yeah...I know, but I just...I have this feeling. She’ll have your eyes, your smile, but she’ll have my love for music and my charisma. She’ll be best friends with Anastasia of course, they’ll be inseparable...are you crying, Eds?” Richie asks, surprise in his voice as Eddie sniffles a little.

“No, fuck off.” Eddie grumbles out, rubbing away his tears because he didn’t think they’d ever reach this point. Where Richie was actually excited about their baby and thinking about how their lives would be with her. Eddie wanted that little girl too, with his eyes and smile and of course Richie’s love for music. Eddie was ready for their future and it felt like Richie was finally there too.

”You totally are!” Richie teases, earning a glare from Eddie.

”I freaking hate you, Tozier.”

”I love you too, Eds.”


	22. Twenty one: A beating heart

_**Twenty One** _

_**A beating heart** _

”Richie...babe...if you don’t get up, we’re gonna be late.” Eddie whispers into his husband’s ear a few days later, kissing his husband’s cheek as he rolls completely out of bed. Richie lets out a sigh, clenching his eyes shut before he finally opens them. It was a Saturday and Richie just wanted to sleep in, but Eddie had gotten a rather early morning appointment with the doctor to get a check up on their baby. Richie was excited of course, this was the first time he’d get to hear the heartbeat.

“Why’d you book such an early appointment?” Richie grumbles, rolling onto his back so he has a perfect view of his husband’s half naked body. Eddie didn’t like sleeping fully nude, but he never really settled on what section he preferred to be uncovered. Lately Eddie only went to bed wearing over sized t-shirts or sweaters, more than likely wanting to keep his baby bump covered as it still made him weird when Richie acknowledged it. Richie found it cute though.

“Because it was the only appointment they had available unless we wanted to wait two more weeks. Now come on, the sooner we get there, the better.” Eddie says, reaching into the dresser for a pair of pants. Richie watches him for a moment before letting out a dramatic sigh as he finally gets out of bed, walking over to his own dresser. 

“Okay...but as soon as we get back home, I’m taking a nap.” Richie says.

“Actually we’re supposed to go over to Mike’s after...” Eddie says, laughing a little when Richie swears. They start getting ready after that, Eddie letting out a huff as he struggles with the button. Richie sees his husband struggling, walking over there to help him only to have Eddie swat his hands away.

“I got it.” Eddie says and Richie throws up his hands in defense as he leaves Eddie alone. Once they’re both ready, Richie is the one who drives to the hospital. Eddie is playing with his hands nervously, biting on his lip and Richie catches onto it. He holds out his hand, smiling softly when Eddie slips one of his into it.

“You okay?” Richie asks, giving the hand a soft squeeze.

“Just nervous.” Eddie admits, smiling softly at Richie as he pulls into the parking lot.

“Everything will be fine, Eds. Now come on, we’re gonna be late.” Richie says, winking before he climbs out of the car. Eddie lets out a shaky sigh before he follows, grabbing Richie’s hand as they walk into the hospital. They don’t stay in the waiting room for long once they reach it, a nurse calling Eddie’s name pretty much the moment they sat down. Eddie holds Richie’s hand the entire time, his grip getting tighter when the doctor came in.

“Welcome back, Mr. Kaspbrak. I trust you’re feeling well?” She asks, looking up from her clipboard as she sits down on her little chair. Eddie gives her a tight smile before nodding, Richie giving Eddie’s hand another squeeze despite how hard Eddie was already holding it. 

“Yeah...feel great.” Eddie says, nodding before biting on his lip.

”How’s the nausea?” She asks, rolling up so she’s sitting directly between Eddie and an ultrasound machine. She indicates for Eddie to lay on his back which he does of course, feeling even more nervous if that was possible.

“It’s better, I don’t get it every day but it hasn’t exactly gone away.” Eddie says, earning a nod from his doctor.

”He’s mostly getting it after breakfast, especially if it’s anything more than just toast. He’s not doing too well with eggs.” Richie says, Eddie’s nose scrunching up at the mention of the food.

“I don’t believe we’ve met yet, I’m Doctor SinClair.” She says, holding out her hand for Richie to shake which he does.

”Richie Tozier, I’m the baby daddy.” Richie says, winking at Eddie who lets out a snort as he smacks Richie’s chest with his free hand. Doctor Sinclair lets out a laugh though, shaking her head as she squeezes some gel onto Eddie’s stomach.

“So with your last appointment, I figured you were about twelve weeks along due to the information we gathered...” She says, a little distracted as she runs a small wand against Eddie’s skin. Eddie and Richie both have their eyes glued to the screen, Eddie’s grip on Richie’s hand still tight enough that Richie was certain he was losing blood flow. It’s a little too quiet in the room, Eddie’s heart picking up pace as there was no sound of the baby’s heartbeat. Before he gets the chance to freak out though, a familiar rapid thump filled the room and Eddie’s shoulders sag in relief.

“And being since that was two weeks ago, we were spot on. Fourteen weeks and everything looks absolutely great. Growth is on the right path and that heartbeat sounds perfect.” Sinclair says, turning to look at Eddie and Richie with a smile.

“Boy or girl?” Richie asks, his voice coming out awestruck because that was his baby. He still couldn’t believe that was his baby...their baby.

“It’s a bit soon to tell, but by the next appointment I’ll be able to tell you guys if you’d like to know.” Sinclair says, but neither of the boys were really paying attention at that point. They were in a trance, listening to the wonderful sound of their baby’s heartbeat.

It was a sound Richie would never forget and a sound that Eddie could listen to forever.


	23. Twenty-two: A Christmas party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a jump forward chapter to Christmas cause is stared to listen to Christmas music today and I just really want it to be Christmas lol

_** Twenty-two ** _

_** A Christmas Party **_

“Richie, will you get the door? I think that’s Mike and Stan.” Eddie shouts from the kitchen, pulling out the rolls he’d made for dinner. It was their annual Christmas party, not that Eddie really called it a party. It was just Mike, Stan, and Bill, sometimes Eddie’s mom would come over along with his brother, but usually it was just the five of them. Not that Eddie minded, he enjoyed the small get together with all their friends, especially this year. It was their last Christmas with just the two of them and Eddie had the best gift for Richie.

While Richie had been at work yesterday, Eddie had gone to his doctor to find out the gender of their baby. He had her write it down for him so it was a surprise for both of them and he was having Mike bring the present over tonight with him. Eddie was already giddy beyond belief, he could hardly contain himself. Eddie was going to have Richie open it as soon as dinner was over.

Eddie places the rolls down on the counter, wincing when he feels a small pain shoot across his stomach but he just writes it off as a cramp. They’d been going on all throughout the day and Eddie felt like he’d been doing a swell job of keeping it hidden. Richie was in his fretting phase, a phase that Eddie didn’t think would ever happen...but it was a bit much for Eddie at the moment. He didn’t want Richie to cancel the party just because of a few stomach cramps.

Eddie perks up when he hears what he believes to be Anastasia, a bright smile on his face as he heads into the living room for just a moment. He didn’t get to see the little baby as often as he liked, so he always treasured it. He tries not to laugh when he hears Stan and Mike arguing about the fact Mike didn’t know how to take the baby out of the car seat.

“Mike! Her arm is caught!” Stan whines, trying to take over for Mike but Mike swats his hand away.

“No it isn’t, Stan. She’s just fi-“ Mike says, only to be cut off by a loud shriek from the baby as he pulls her out of the carrier.

“See. I told you she didn’t like it.” Stan says, earning a glare from Mike before he catches sight of Eddie.

“Merry Christmas, Eds.” Mike says, walking over and giving his friend a half hug as he holds Anastasia in one arm. Stan lets out a huff, crossing his arms over his chest as he quirks an eyebrow.

“What?” Mike demands, looking at his husband with a mirrored look.

“You’re holding her wrong.” Stan says and Mike rolls his eyes.

“I am holding her just fine, see? She likes it.” Mike says, looking down at the nearly two month old baby who seemed rather content now. Mike finally just gives in and hands the baby over to his husband, shaking his head before he looks back at Eddie.

“Did you get it?” Eddie asks, earning a nod from Mike as he points over to the box next to Anastasia’s car seat.

“Thank you so much, Mike.” Eddie says, jumping when Richie wraps an arm around his waist as he hadn’t seen him in the room until then. Eddie had been focused on that box. He couldn’t wait to open that box up.

“Dinner is almost ready then?” Richie asks and Eddie nods.

“Yep. We’re just waiting for Bill to show up and then we can eat.” Eddie says and as if on queue, Bill walked in through the front door.

——————————

Dinner was over rather quickly, Eddie wanting to get it done so that Richie could open his present. The small group had gathered in the living room now, Mike and Stan taking the sofa while Anastasia on Mike’s lap, Bill took the floor, Eddie and Richie sat on the love seat. Eddie was practically bouncing in his seat, Richie quirking an eyebrow at his husband’s behavior but he didn't say anything.

“Alright, who’s first?” Richie asks and Bill is quick to raise his hand.

“Me, since it’s my birthday.” Bill says, earning laughs from everyone in the room.

“Your birthday isn’t for two more days, Bill. I think that Richie should go first.” Eddie says, already standing up and grabbing Richie’s present despite Bill’s protests. Eddie hands it over to Richie who tears at the paper rather excitedly. Eddie gets ready to sit down as Richie pulls off the top of the box, only to let out a surprised gasp when he feels a wet feeling run down his legs. The entire room falls silent and then Eddie lets out a loud shout as another sharp pain hits him and he nearly falls to his knees but Richie grabs him before he gets the chance.

“Eddie? What’s going on?” Richie asks, frantically, looking at his husband who feels like he can’t breathe.

“Something...something’s wrong with the baby.” Eddie manages to gasp out and that was enough for Richie to spring into action. He’s pulling Eddie into his arms, helping him to the car and completely disregarding the turned over box with bright pink balloons floating out of it.


	24. Twenty-three: Statues

_**Twenty-three** _

_**Statues** _

“Eddie...talk to me…” Richie whispers a few hours later, looking at his husband who sat in a hospital bed with an emotionless expression. Eddie had been like that since they got the news, staring at the wall while Richie tried his hardest to get Eddie to say something.

“Eds...please…” Richie tries again, his voice strained as he tries to keep calm for Eddie’s sake but Richie was having a hard time keeping it together. He could still hear the doctor saying those three words that crushed him, the sentence repeating in his head like a mantra and he just wished it would stop.

_ There’s no heartbeat. _

Those words were enough to floor Richie as it was, but Eddie’s wail of despair was what really hit him. Eddie hadn’t made a sound since though, crying silently as Richie tries to get any sort of response from him. Richie could hardly take it, the silence making it worse for him because he just knew how broken Eddie was. This had been all Eddie had wanted for a long time and now it was gone, just like that.

Richie couldn’t breathe.

“Eddie…” Richie tries again, this time fighting back a sob as he reaches out for his husband’s hand. He holds onto it tightly as his whole body shakes, Eddie’s hand completely limp in his. Richie had wanted this too, maybe not at first, but he’d grown used to the idea...he’d been excited, happy...and now it was gone.

Their baby was gone.

There’s a knock on Eddie’s door, causing Richie to tear his gaze away from Eddie to look at who it was. Nicole stands in the doorway, tear stained cheeks and a sad smile on her face. She doesn’t say anything, just gestures for Richie to join her outside. Richie lets out a shaky breath before nodding, standing up from his spot next to Eddie to place a gentle kiss to his husband’s forehead.

“I love you and I’ll be right back.” He whispers, brushing Eddie’s hair aside. It still doesn’t gain any response and Richie feels his heart break a little more before he joins Nicole in the hallway. He lets out a surprise gasp when she pulls him into her arms, hugging him so tightly he was certain he couldn’t breathe.

“Thanks for coming.” He whispers once she pulls away, putting on a brave face despite the fact he was just a few seconds from a total breakdown. He kept telling himself he needed to be strong, he had to be strong for Eddie….

“Of course….how….how is he?” Nicole asks, glancing at the door to Eddie’s room for a second with a worried expression. She had never seen Eddie like this, her son wasn’t one to shut down emotionally. He always wore his emotions, so seeing him like this absolutely terrified her.

“He’s...he’s not good. He hasn’t said a word since...since…” Richie can’t even finish the sentence, his breath catching as he’s fighting back sobs. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, he didn’t want to believe it. He kept thinking maybe this was just a really messed dream, that he’d wake up any minute now and everything would be fine.

But he’d pinched himself enough in the past four hours to know better, the skin on his arm bruised. The thought alone has Richie in hysterics again, the young man placing his head in his hands as he cries. He was trying to be strong, he hated feeling weak...but he’d lost his baby, the baby he didn’t realize how badly he wanted until she was gone.

“Richie, I can’t even begin to imagine what you both are going through.” Nicole says quietly, reaching out a hand to rest it on Richie’s shoulder. Richie almost flinches from the contact, still not used to anyone touching him in a comforting manner. He looks at Nicole though, hoping that she can at least tell that he’s thankful she’s here despite him not saying words.

“I’ve tried everything to get him to talk or at least look at me, maybe he’ll respond better to you.” Richie whispers, standing up a little straighter and clearing his throat as he glances into Eddie’s room. Eddie looked like a statue from there, completely unmoving and that made Richie worry even more. Richie was slowly starting to blame himself, he should’ve caught on that something was wrong...he should’ve known.

“He’s just in shock, Richie...it’s nothing you did.” Nicole says, seeming to catch Richie’s guilty expression.

“I don’t know how to help him...I feel useless.” Richie continues to whisper, afraid that if he raises his voice any higher that he’ll lose it completely. He felt helpless and lost….he was so used to Eddie being the rock in their relationship and now it was Richie’s turn but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to help Eddie through this….

“Just be there for him, he’s going to need all of us even if he refuses to believe it.” Nicole says and Richie wishes more than anything that he understood what she meant.

“I should go back there.” Richie says after a moment, earning a nod from his mother law.

“You’ll call me if either of you need anything?” She asks.

“Of course...but don’t you want to see him?” Richie asks, frowning when Nicole shakes her head.

“He doesn’t need me right now….he needs you.”


	25. Twenty-four: Pink Balloons

_**Twenty-four** _

_**Pink Balloons** _

Eddie wasn’t much better the next day when the hospital released him, Richie still unsure if they should be allowed to leave with Eddie being in the state he was. Neither of them had gotten any sleep last night, Eddie still staring at the wall and Richie still staring at Eddie waiting for him to say anything or respond to something. Richie didn’t think they should be leaving, Eddie wasn’t okay, but then again neither was Richie. Richie had to be the strong one though because Eddie needed him to be.

So Richie does his best to keep his head held high, helping Eddie into their apartment but he feels his heart drop even more when he catches sight of the balloons. Eddie takes in a sharp breath, stopping in his tracks when he too catches sight of it.

“I’ll...I’ll throw those away.” Richie whispers, placing his hand on Eddie’s arm as he walks past him. Eddie grabs his hand before he gets too far though, shaking his head as he bites on his lip. Richie tries not to look as shocked as he felt.

“No...don’t...I…” Is all Eddie says, his voice so quiet that Richie almost didn’t hear it. Eddie’s staring at the balloons, tears falling down his cheeks but his grip on Richie’s hand was tight. It was the most Eddie had done in over twenty-four hours.

“Eddie...sweetheart...we can’t...we can’t just leave them here.” Richie whispers, moving so that he’s standing in front of Eddie’s view of the box.

“I...I know...but...you can’t...I don’t…don’t throw them away, please?” Eddie whispers, his voice desperate and cracking. Richie can see he’s really struggling to hold it together and he’s quick to wrap his arms around Eddie.

“I won’t.” Richie whispers, holding onto Eddie as tightly as he can as his husband falls apart in his arms. Richie would take it over Eddie being a statue, but he hated seeing Eddie like this. He wished more than anything that he could take his pain away, but Richie knew that was impossible.

They’d lost their baby, one couldn’t just pretend like it didn’t happen.

“Why don’t you go lay down and I’ll make you something to eat?” Richie asks after Eddie seems to calm down, earning a shake of the head from his husband with his head still buried in Richie’s shoulder.

“I’m not hungry and I...I don’t want to be alone.”

“Okay.” Richie says, kissing the side of Eddie’s head before they both walk towards their room. Eddie climbs into the bed first, laying on his side and Richie joins him after the moment. Eddie seems to fall asleep after a few minutes but Richie couldn’t bring himself to do so. He kept thinking about those pink balloons sitting so carelessly in the living room...along with the Christmas presents which he knew held things for the baby, things that would just make the pain worse.

So Richie climbs out of the bed, placing a soft kiss to Eddie’s temple before walking back down to the living room. He stands there for what felt like ages, unable to bring himself to move just yet. He kept staring at those balloons, picturing the moment that had been robbed from him...from them both.

They should be celebrating, sitting on the couch drinking some form of hot drink as they watched some sappy ass Christmas movie like they always did. They should be thinking of names and what they were going to do with the nursery now that they knew it was a girl.

But they weren’t. Instead Eddie was upstairs having cried himself to sleep and Richie was frozen because of a box filled with deflated pink balloons.

They weren’t going to decorate the nursery in shades of purple and pink anymore, her name written elegantly above her crib was simply just an idea. Richie would never get to hold her, Eddie would never get to either. They’d never know if she had Richie’s eyes or Eddie’s, if she’d grow up to have dimples like Eddie’s or if she’d inherit Richie’s love for music.

They had nothing but small little black and white pictures of what could’ve been and a box filled with deflated pink balloons….

Richie wanted to throw them away, he wanted to throw it all away. He was angry, so angry that his hands were shaking and he wished he could just start screaming. It wasn’t fair, they didn’t deserve to feel like this. Maybe Richie did, but Eddie…Eddie didn’t and now it was up to Richie to fix it.

So he picks up the Christmas presents, the ones wrapped with Eddie’s bright paper and sparkling bows and takes them into the spare bedroom next to the nursery. He throws them into the closet, along with that stupid box with the deflated pink balloons.

Richie wanted to erase it all, he wanted to forget. That was the only way he would make it through this, it was the only way he could be there for Eddie.

Richie had to be the strong one for once, even if that meant pretending like he was okay, like he hadn’t just shoved all the memories into a closet.

But that was harder than he figured it would be because even with that door shut, all he could think about was that box.

The box filled with deflated pink balloons.


	26. Twenty-five: The new year kick off

_**Twenty-five** _

_**The new year kick off** _

They don’t celebrate Christmas, Eddie refusing to leave their bedroom and Richie just not in the mood to celebrate. They hull themselves up, Richie keeping close to Eddie when he’s awake but he couldn’t be with him when he slept. Richie grieved while Eddie slept, the older of the two locking himself in the spare room and just staring at the box he would forever hate but could never throw away. Richie hadn’t slept for nearly three days now, every time he tried to he kept seeing the balloons...he kept seeing Eddie fall and would hear those damn words over and over again.

_ There’s no heartbeat. _

Eddie was slowly starting to get better after Christmas passes, the younger of the two finally getting out of their bed to shower and actually eat a full meal instead of just nibbling at the food Richie would bring him. Richie knew he wasn’t going to just bounce back to the old Eddie though, but it was nice to see Eddie moving.

Richie takes the next week off of work, not wanting Eddie to be alone as he was off work due to winter vacation. By the fourth day, Eddie starts to feel a bit smothered. He knows that Richie is just worried about him and he appreciates his husband for being there for him, but it was strange for Eddie. He wasn’t used to it, being independent and all.

But he knows this was Richie’s way of coping, so he doesn’t say anything. Instead he just accepts the help, thanking Richie even though they both knew it wasn’t necessary. They walk around each other carefully, neither one of them wanting to be the first to break the ice...to talk about it. Richie was terrified of Eddie returning to his statue like state and Eddie…he just didn’t know what to say.

By the time New Years rolled around, Eddie seemed to be completely back to normal. He somehow convinces Richie to throw a party, inviting all their friends over yet again like nothing happened. Richie was happy to see Eddie was smiling, laughing at Bill’s jokes or Mike and Stan’s bickering over Anastasia. Eddie wouldn’t hold the baby though, he couldn’t bring himself to. Richie couldn’t even be in the same room as the baby, once again locking himself away in the spare room to torture himself over that box.

Eddie seemed to have completely forgotten about it, or at least that’s what it felt like to Richie. He kept running through it, over and over again...what would they be doing now if they hadn’t lost her? Would they be asking Mike and Stan for advice? Would Bill be bickering with Mike about who would be godfather? Would Eddie and Richie have finally decided on a name?

That was the part that always seemed to hit Richie the hardest. They had never given her a name. Richie wanted to desperately, he wanted to have something to hold onto instead of those stupid balloons...but he didn’t dare bring it up with Eddie in fear that it would only upset him. He’d been doing so well these past few days...Richie didn’t want to ruin that. But Richie also didn’t get how Eddie was able to move on so easily. He had been the one carrying the baby...he’d been the one who wanted a baby so badly and now it was like it didn’t even happen. It had been just over a week and Eddie was fine, so why wasn’t Richie? It didn’t seem all that fair, but Richie was starting to realize that things were hardly fair anymore. Not for them anyways.

Richie eventually brings himself back out to their little makeshift party, plastering on a fake smile as he enters the room where everyone was at. Eddie sees right through it, but he doesn’t say anything...he doesn’t want to talk about it, not tonight. Richie takes a seat next to Eddie, half listening to Bill as he tells some far fetched story that was more than likely only half true. Richie is more focused on his husband, studying him...making sure that Eddie wasn’t just pretending for his sake.

He only looks away when the doorbell rings, Eddie jumping up to answer it while Richie looks around the room in confusion. All their friends were here and as far as he knew, they weren’t expecting anyone else. Eddie walks back into the living room with none other than Mateo, Richie going rigid as he wasn’t aware they were even friends.

“Hey guys...sorry for crashing the party...plans fell through.” Mateo says, looking a little nervous as he joins the group. Richie tries not to glare at the newcomer as Eddie takes a seat next to Mateo instead of him, his hands clenching a little as he keeps his cool. He still couldn’t figure out where he knew Mateo from but he did know that he didn’t like him. There was just something off about him….

“Anyone need a drink?” Richie asks, standing up to head into the kitchen. If he was going to put up with Mateo, Richie was going to need something a little stronger than sparkling cider. There’s a small chorus of agreements from everyone and Bill joins Richie in the kitchen to help him. Once they’re out of ear shot, Bill turns to look at his friend with a bewildered expression.

“Richie, why the hell is Eddie’s ex boyfriend in your house?”


	27. Twenty-six: Bottled up

_**Twenty-six** _

_**Bottled up** _

At first Richie stares at Bill like he’s lost his mind because there was no way Richie would’ve forgotten one of Eddie’s exes. There were only two of them, one that Eddie had dated throughout all of his high school years and the other had only been for a few weeks in college before he met Richie. Richie knew their names and neither one of them were Mateo.

“Bill, Mateo isn’t one of Eddie’s exes. You of all people would know that, considering you’ve known him longer than I have.” Richie says, shaking his head and Bill lets out a scoff as Richie opens their liquor cabinet.

“Exactly, I of all people would know one of Eddie’s exes and that’s fucking Issac in your living room. He must be going by his first name again.” Bill says, glaring into the living room and Richie stops pouring his drink. Isaac was a name he knew all too well, Eddie’s high school sweetheart. Richie had only met the man once and even then it had only been for a few seconds, Eddie having dragged Richie to one of the small town cafes one day after they’d announced their engagement to Eddie’s mother. Isaac had just so happened to be walking out when they went in, but Eddie didn’t want to talk.

That had been almost four years ago.

“Fuck…”Richie breathes out, glancing towards the living room but there wasn’t much to see. From what little Eddie had told Richie about Issac, things hadn’t ended well and Eddie had pretty much never gotten over him. Richie didn’t see him as a threat back then because he was three hours away, but right now he’s in his living room...talking with his husband...probably trying to get on his good side and Eddie probably didn’t even realize it.

“Eddie didn’t say anything?” Bill asks, looking a tad surprised as Richie shakes his head. Eddie hadn’t said a word about it even though he had every opportunity. Issac or Mateo, whatever fucking name he goes by, had been in Eddie’s life again for well over two months and Eddie just fails to mention something so goddamn important...Richie didn’t like it.

“No, he fucking didn’t.” Richie whispers, trying to keep his anger under control. He wasn’t about to blow up in the middle of their party, that would only make things worse and Richie didn’t want to make things worse right now. So he finishes making drinks, he goes into their living room and he fucking tries to be happy about the party. He smiles, he acts like it doesn’t bother him how Eddie is sitting so close to Mateo, laughing at his jokes like they’re the funniest thing he’s heard in years.

Eddie joins Richie’s side for the first time since Mateo arrived when the ball gets ready to drop, counting down to midnight and kissing his husband for the first time since they’d gotten home. Richie might’ve enjoyed it more if he hadn’t been so angry…

Everyone seems to leave after that and Richie can’t keep it in any longer. They’re standing in the kitchen, Eddie putting the last of their glasses into the dishwasher while Richie stands just a few feet away.

“So, when were you going to alert me of the fact that you’re hanging around your ex again?” Richie asks, surprised at how steady his voice was despite the fact he felt like screaming. It was about more than just this, Richie was angry about more than just this.

“He’s my friend, Richie.” Eddie says quietly, not even looking at his husband as he answers.

“So? He’s your ex, Eds. You don’t just start hanging out with your ex boyfriend and not tell your fucking husband about it.” Richie says, still keeping his voice steady but he could feel himself starting to break. His hands were shaking with the effort it was taking not to scream at Eddie...if he screamed at Eddie, they wouldn’t be much better than his own parents.

He wouldn’t.

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, Richie. Last I checked you and I are the ones married, not Issac and I.” Eddie says after he lets out a very long and dramatic sigh, finally looking up at Richie.

“Exactly, which is why you should’ve said something. Just like you should’ve said something when you weren’t feeling good.” Richie says, wincing as he realizes he can’t take it back. Eddie’s face is completely emotionless and Richie feels his breath catch in his throat.

“Are...are you blaming me for what happened? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“No, of course I don’t blame you.”

“It sure sounds like you’re blaming me.”

“Fucking stop it, Eddie. I can’t do this with you right now, I can’t launch into this argument where we yell at each other over who cared more or who cared less. That isn’t the issue right now, the issue is Issac being in our lives.” Richie says, trying to keep the conversation from going in a direction that he knew wouldn’t end well. This wasn’t how he wanted to do this, this wasn’t how their year was supposed to start off….

“No, the issue is that you blame me for losing the baby. I know you do.”

“Fine, you want the truth? I blame you. I blame you for the fact that she’s gone, that we won’t have that future you talked so highly of. I blame you for making me want that future and I fucking blame you for the fact that you just don’t seem to care that she’s gone. Is that what you fucking wanted to hear, Eddie? Are you fucking happy now?” Richie finally just yells, done keeping it in and he just doesn’t care anymore. Everything was hitting him like a bus and he couldn’t keep it bottled inside any longer.

“What do you want me to do, Richie? Do you want me to sit in a room alone and cry over a box of deflated balloons like you do?” Eddie shoots right back and Richie feels his heart break because Eddie knew...Eddie knew and he hadn’t once tried to help Richie through this.

“I’m not like you, Richie. I don’t sit there and hold onto things that are gone, I can’t live my life that way. I have to let things go, I had to let her go and I’m sorry if that makes you think I don’t care.

“Yet you held onto Issac.” Richie says, not even missing a beat. He doesn’t regret it, even when Eddie inhales sharply and looks at Richie like he’s about to slap him. He doesn’t though, nor does he say anything else in defense. Instead he just walks out of the kitchen, Richie staying put even when he hears their front door slam shut.


	28. Twenty-seven: Together

_**Twenty-seven** _

_**Together** _

Richie waits for Eddie to come back, sitting on the couch with his head in his hands for what felt like hours. Richie didn’t regret what he said, he felt like he needed to say it...but he does regret letting Eddie walk away. Richie didn’t know where his husband was, what he was doing...for all he knew Eddie had gone to seek comfort with the reason they even had this stupid fight. Richie trusted Eddie of course, but the later it got...the worse the feeling in his gut seemed to be.

Eventually Richie can’t sit around anymore, finally standing up from the couch because he just couldn’t take it. He had to do something to take his mind off it, to take his mind off everything. He thinks maybe a shower will do it, but as he walks past the spare bedroom to get there he stops. The door was still slightly open from the last time he’d gone in there...he could see the closet...he knew what was behind that door.

He couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t keep those things inside his home any longer. He didn’t care if Eddie wanted them, just like Eddie didn’t seem to care about him anymore. So Richie goes into the room, he opens the closet and starts throwing things out of it. Presents hit the wall, tears are falling down Richie’s face and all he could think about was how robbed he felt.

Richie had been broken before, he knew that eventually the pain goes away...but in that moment he didn’t think it ever would. They’d never see her face, they’d never hear her voice, they never even gave her a name and now they’re falling apart. Eddie wasn’t there for Richie, instead he was out probably fucking his ex boyfriend because Richie pushed him to it.

But Eddie wasn’t doing that, in fact he was still at their building. He had thought about taking a drive, going somewhere to get away but the second he climbed into the car he couldn’t stop crying. He wasn’t as fine as he pretended to be, he thought if maybe he started acting like he was okay...Richie would finally start talking about it. Eddie regretted bringing Issac into their home, he regretted the things he said but he couldn’t just walk in there and take it all back.

He couldn’t tell Richie the truth, the truth that every time he looked at him...all Eddie saw was their baby. Richie was always going to be a constant reminder of what they lost for Eddie...a constant reminder that it was Eddie’s fault. He should’ve said something, if he had...things would’ve been different. They wouldn’t be holding on by a thread, they wouldn’t be screaming at each other. Eddie would be inside right now, talking quietly to Richie about the fact he wanted to name her something unique...

Something was different.

But that wasn’t what happened, Eddie had lost their baby...and he hated himself for it. He wasn’t surprised that Richie hated him too, that Richie blamed him. It was his fault, so Richie had every right to think that way. Richie had every right to hate him and Eddie was terrified that when he walked back into their home...Richie would tell him he couldn’t do it anymore. That this would be what broke apart everything...Eddie couldn’t lose Richie too.

Richie is sitting in the middle of the trashed room, his head in his hands as he sobs quietly to himself. He thought it would make him feel better to have it all out in the open, but if anything he just feels worse. He would never be able to forget what happened, he would never be able to forgive himself. Maybe if he wasn’t so fucked up, things would be different. Maybe they would’ve been okay, they wouldn’t be holding on to the edge by just one hand that was already slipping.

Eventually Richie stops crying, pulling himself to his feet and starting to clean up his mess. He grabs trash bags, filling two of them with everything in that room. He doesn’t keep a single thing, walking out to the dumpster in his bare feet despite the January air. It was snowing when he goes outside, but he doesn’t care. He has to walk past Eddie’s car as he heads to the dumpster, the sight surprising but it doesn’t make him stop. He throws everything away, turning around and catching Eddie’s eyes.

He doesn’t get in the car with his husband though, walking past him again because Richie honestly couldn’t deal with it right now. So he goes back inside their apartment, sitting back down on the couch where he waits until Eddie finally gets enough nerve to get out of his car an hour later. Richie doesn’t even look at him as he walks through the front door, not that Eddie blames him...Richie probably thought the same as Eddie did, Eddie being the constant reminder of what they lost for Richie just as Richie was to Eddie.

Eddie sits down next to Richie, but he doesn’t say anything. He can’t think of the right things to say because _sorry_ just didn’t seem like the right thing to say. So instead he rests his head on Richie’s shoulder, crying quietly when Richie takes his hand in his and plays with the ring on his finger. It was enough for now, tomorrow they’d talk more...but in that moment, they’d said all they could say.

Maybe they were broken, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t fix each other.


	29. Twenty-eight: A name just for her

_**Twenty-eight** _

_**A name just for her** _

Richie wasn’t sure how long they sat on the couch in absolute, but eventually the sun came up and filled their living room and Richie feels like maybe it was about time he said something. He wanted to, but what was he supposed to say? Everything that came to mind just didn’t seem right....

”We...we should give her a name.” Richie eventually whispers, breaking the silence. Eddie stiffness in Richie’s arms for a moment before he pulls away to look at his husband. It wasn’t that he didn’t agree with Richie...he just didn’t know if he could. Giving her a name seemed like too much...but he knew Richie needed to just as badly as Eddie did. She deserved a name.

”What...what did you have in mind?” Eddie asks quietly, biting on his lip as he starts to play with his fingers. He feels like he’s about to start crying again despite the fact he’d spent most of the night already doing so. It was Eddie what Eddie had been doing lately it seemed and he honestly hated it....

“I don’t know, I just know it has to be something...something that’s just for her because she deserves that...she deserves more, but right now that’s all I got.” Richie continues to whisper, biting on his lip as he finishes speaking. He wished more than anything they weren’t having this conversation, but that wasn’t the case.

“Okay...what about...what about Nevaeh?” Eddie offers, the name having been on his mind since the hospital. He knew it was a cliche, maybe it was too basic but their baby girl was in heaven, so maybe that’s what they should name her. 

“I like Nevaeh.” Richie says, grabbing Eddie’s hand again as he blinks back tears of his own. He didn’t want to cry, but he knew he had to let it out...he was trying to be better about letting things out.

“I know it’s a bit weird cause it’s just the word heaven spelled backwards, but I just...I feel like it fits, it would fit her.” Eddie says, looking at his husband with a sad smile on his face. It hurts him to talk about it, just as much as it hurt Richie...but it needed to be said. They couldn’t continue on like this, holding everything in and acting like it’s all okay. It wasn’t good for them and it wasn’t good for their marriage...and Eddie really couldn’t lose Richie too.

“It does...it would’ve...it fits, I think Nevaeh is perfect for her. She needs a middle name though.” Richie whispers, sniffling a little as he sits up on the couch. Eddie lets out a sigh before throwing his legs over his husband’s lap, keeping their fingers together though because he wanted to be close to Richie still.

“Nicole?” Eddie throws out, laughing a little when Richie’s nose scrunches up at the name.

“As much as I love your mother, I don’t think Nicole would fit her.” Richie admits, earning a nod from Eddie.

“Yeah...it was just a suggestion. What are you thinking?” Eddie asks, starting to play with Richie’s hair with his free hand. Richie hums at the feeling, having missed being close to Eddie like this. It wasn’t perfect of course...but Richie would take what he could get.

”I’ve always liked the name Aster.”

”Nevaeh Aster Tozier, she would’ve been perfect.” Eddie says, the sentence seeming to hang in the air for a moment. Richie wanted to agree, but in that moment he could only think about how they would never know.

“I think she would’ve had your eyes, I know you’ve always pictured her with my eyes...but I think she would’ve had your brown...” Eddie continues to talk though, his voice shaking as he does so but he didn’t care.

“She would’ve had your smile.” Richie joins in despite how much his chest was hurting, his eyes clenching shut for a moment in hopes that maybe that would make it better...but he could only see the balloons that were now in a dumpster with everything else that would remind him of the life they could’ve had...

“I know...I know it’s too soon right now and I won’t blame you if you say no...but do you think that maybe eventually...you’d want to try again?” Richie is the one to ask this, opening his eyes and looking over at Eddie who looks somewhat bewildered by the question. If anyone had told Eddie a few months ago that Richie would actually be on board for trying for a baby, he’d think they were crazy...yet here they were, Richie being the one to leave that door open instead of Eddie.

“If...if that’s what you want...then yeah, I would...but I understand if you don’t, Richie you didn’t want this to begin with and I’m sorry that...that I put you through this.” Eddie’s voice is once again barley over a whisper, a few tears slipping out of his eyes and Richie is moving so that he’s looking at Eddie directly.

“Eddie, this wasn’t your fault and I was an asshole to blame you for it. These things happen and we’re gonna make it through this...it’s going to be shit for a while, I won’t lie to you...but we’re gonna be okay and eventually we’ll try again. I want a family with you, Eddie.” Richie says, reaching a hand out and cupping Eddie’s cheek.

“Even after...” Eddie trails off, biting on his lip as Richie nods.

“Even after...I love you, Eddie.” Richie says, making sure that Eddie’s looking at him while he says it because it was important for Eddie to know that. The words alone bring a smile to Eddie’s face, one that actually seemed to reach his eyes which hadn’t happened in days.

”I love you too.”


	30. Twenty-nine: A wall between them

_**Twenty-nine** _

_**A walk between them** _

Life moves on for the couple, agonizingly slow of course, but they were working on it. Things weren’t perfect still, Richie didn’t like the fact that Eddie was around Issac at work all the time now and Eddie didn’t like the fact that Richie seemed to be falling back on old habits. They were okay, broken still, but they had each other. They were healing in their own ways, Eddie doing his best to keep a positive attitude and avoiding the subject, Richie had thrown himself into his work.

Richie needed distractions more than Eddie seemed to, Richie hated the apartment they lived in now due to how many memories he had. It didn’t matter if it had been quite sometime since he threw away all the things in that closet...he could still see those bright pink balloons every time he closed his eyes. Giving Nevaeh her name had helped Richie, but there was still a lot of pain that he wasn’t letting himself feel.

Things were still rocky when Eddie’s birthday arrived, neither of them feeling up to celebrate in the usual way they did. Richie had tried his best though, planned out a whole evening for his husband to take his mind off of everything around them. He had made it as romantic as possible, only the best for his husband...but Eddie looked absolutely exhausted by the time he got home from work, seeming to completely forget it was his birthday and going straight to bed.

Richie couldn’t bring himself to be disappointed about it. That was how it had been for the past month...and Richie honestly couldn’t remember the last time they had actually touched each other for more than a few fleeting seconds. Eddie would still kiss him, but he’d never let Richie take it any further. Richie missed his husband...and he wasn’t sure if Eddie really felt the same way.

It felt like there was a wall up between them once Richie had joined his husband in their bed, Eddie already fast asleep. Richie couldn’t sleep though, staring at Eddie’s sleeping form with a sad expression. Richie wasn’t sure when he last got a full night’s worth of sleep, always more worried about Eddie. Eddie probably didn’t even realize how often he started to shake while he slept, yelling at them not to take her away...Richie wasn’t sure how to help him, only pulling Eddie against his chest because if he woke up...the wall would be up yet again.

Richie hated that wall, almost more than he hated the image of the balloons.

So Richie didn’t sleep much anymore, keeping an eye on Eddie instead. Sometimes Richie would just trace patterns into the younger boy’s skin, his touch seeming to calm Eddie but that was all. Richie would eventually fall asleep himself, waking up alone a few hours later.

Eddie would already be in the kitchen, getting ready for his work day. Richie used to try to make small talk, but lately Richie couldn’t even bring himself to leave the bed. Eddie doesn’t say goodbye before he leaves, something that had just recently started up and Richie knew it was partially his own fault. Richie hated it still though, wishing more than anything they could just go back to before all this started...Richie didn’t regret Nevaeh, he didn’t regret the joy she had brought him in her short time...but he just wished he didn’t have all this pain.

He wished Eddie didn’t have it either, but they did. No matter how hard he pretended, how hard he wished it would all just go away, it wouldn’t. Something told him that it would always be there too, there would always be this hole in his heart that Nevaeh belonged in...

Richie eventually can’t bring himself to be in the bed anymore, pulling himself out from underneath the covers and trudging his way into their kitchen for a cup of coffee. Eddie was surprisingly still there, sitting at the table with his own coffee in front of him. He looks up at the sound of Richie entering, giving his husband a half smile.

“Why haven’t you left yet?” Richie asks, walking over to the coffee pot.

“I’m not going today...I was uh...I was hoping you’d be willing to go somewhere with me...it’s okay if you have to work...” Eddie trails off, suddenly nervous as to how his husband would react. Eddie knew things between them were harder than they used to be, there was definitely some sort of wall up between them and that was the last thing Eddie wanted. He loved Richie more than anything, he didn’t want to lose Richie.

“I’m sure Bill can handle the show without me...but I need to stop by to pick up some paperwork for the weekend if you don’t mind me doing that first.” Richie says quietly, pouring himself a cup of the coffee before joining Eddie at the table.

“That’s fine, do you want me to come with you or would you prefer to be on your own?” Eddie asks, hoping that Richie would take him along. Eddie hated being in the apartment by himself, hell...he hated this apartment all together now...he wanted to move, but he wasn’t sure if Richie felt the same way. Eddie wanted a fresh start...but Richie was never one to want to start over.

“You can come with me, Bill would love to see you there I’m sure.” Richie says, smiling softly but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes in the way that Eddie always adored. Eddie wants to grab Richie’s hand, tell him that everything was going to be okay...that they were going to be okay...

But Eddie wasn’t sure if that was true anymore, it sure as hell didn’t feel like it.


	31. Thirty: Falling in love all over again

_**Thirty** _

_**Falling in love all over again** _

”Where are we going anyways?” Richie asks, looking away from his phone and at his husband who was still driving. It felt like they’d been driving for ages now, the only sounds coming from the radio and the occasional ding of Richie’s phone. He was just texting Bill, making sure that everything was running okay down at the station while he was away. Richie knew it was stupid, but he needed a distraction. The silence between them only made his mind wander to places he didn’t want it to go, places that until just recently he never thought they’d be. He knew things had been rough lately and the aching feeling in his heart just told him this wasn’t going to end well. Eddie wasn’t helping either, just shrugging his shoulders in response to Richie’s questions like it’s no big deal.

To Richie, it was a big deal. What if Eddie was taking him to counseling? Or one of those dumb ass AAA meetings? Richie knew his drinking hadn’t stopped, but he had been very careful of not drinking around Eddie and he knew his own limits...

”Eds, I know you’re all for surprises and shit but honestly I’m not. Can you please just tell me where we’re going?” Richie begs, keeping his voice steady and trying his hardest not to sound worried.

“It’s nothing bad, Richie.” Eddie says, probably meaning to sound reassuring but with the way Richie was feeling lately it was anything but that. Eventually Eddie pulls into a parking lot that was all too familiar to Richie, his anxiety over the matter dissipating but not completely gone. This had been where Richie had asked Eddie to marry him nearly five years ago, the spot was always their favorite and it had been ages since they’d been here. Richie is the first to get out of the car, walking over to open Eddie’s door for him before taking his husband’s hand. Richie’s heart is still beating faster than normal, but Eddie’s grip on his hand made him feel better.

They walk into the diner and sit in their usual spot which was a corner booth. Richie feels like he’s nineteen again when Eddie slides into the booth next to him, the younger of the two resting his head on Richie’s shoulder like he always used to. It was the most comfortable either of them had felt in weeks and Richie wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry more in that moment. Nothing had changed since they’d last been here, the seats were all still the shame shade of green, the wooden counter tops to the tables still looked old and Richie could still see their initials carved in the wood.

It felt like home and Richie wasn’t sure when the last time was where he felt like this.

They order their usual, thanking Vivienne who knew them by name still even though it had been a few years. They asked her how the kids were and listened with smiles on their faces as she talked. They slip into old habits so easily, Eddie trying to make a tower out of the toothpicks on the table while Richie kept blowing straw wrappers at his husband. They were laughing, genuinely happy for the first time in ages.

Richie felt whole again, his heart repairing itself just a little bit more with every giggle that comes from his husband. Eddie felt at peace, like this had been the one thing he needed more than anything. He needed to get away from that apartment, from that city...and Richie needed it too because this was the man Eddie remembered falling in love with. The one who kept trying to balance a spoon on his nose, loud laughter echoing through the diner every time it falls back onto the table.

They spend what feels like ages sitting in their corner booth, talking and laughing like they used to, before things had gotten so dark. Richie didn’t realize it was nearing closing time until he looks at his phone for the first time since they got there, a frown on his face as he wasn’t ready to go home just yet. So instead he looks at Eddie with a twinkle in his eyes that his husband hadn’t seen since it had all happened.

And maybe that’s how Richie and Eddie found themselves walking around their old school, reminiscing about the good old days. They stopped at Eddie’s old dorm building, standing outside of it with dazed smiles on their faces because that was where it all happened. They fell in love inside that building, every one of their firsts happening just behind those doors. They’d had their first kiss on the steps in front of them, their first fight had been on the second floor, their first “I love you” had been spoken in a hushed whisper outside Eddie’s door.

This was their beginning and Richie was forever grateful for it. He was grateful for the day he finally worked up the courage to ask the beautiful hazel-eyed boy from his Humanities class on a date, despite every part of him telling him it was a bad idea. He was so grateful that Eddie said yes, even after Richie made a complete fool of himself...even after all their time together, Richie still wonders how it all happened but he wouldn’t change anything, not even after all the pain they had endured to get here.

Because Richie still had Eddie, and that was all he needed.


	32. Thirty-one: A small light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In doing a jump forward chapter cause I suck lol

_**Thirty-one** _

_**A small light** _

Life moves on for Eddie and Richie, simple as that. They start to heal, Richie spending more time back at home and Eddie cutting off all ties to Issac like it was nothing. They start going on weekly dates again, simple things such as movie night in the living room or a trip to the diner yet again. Richie was happier and so was Eddie, but there was still a lot of pain buried beneath their smiles. Eddie still couldn’t hold Anastasia whenever Mike and Stan came over and Richie was still having a hard time sleeping.

But they were doing okay and Richie felt like they were finally getting past it. They were communicating again, Eddie saying what is on his mind and Richie listening. The idea of starting a family seemed to be put on the back burner though, neither of them seeing keen on the idea. Richie brought it up more than Eddie did, just comments here or there but nothing that said he was ready. Eddie was honestly terrified of the idea, still blaming himself for the loss of Nevaeh. He often spent nights wondering what would’ve happened if he’d told Richie he wasn’t feeling well, maybe they could’ve saved her...and Eddie felt like if they had another baby, it would be like replacing her...and Eddie didn’t want to ever replace her.

Eddie was trying to keep himself distracted tonight, making dinner for Richie who was running a little late from work. It was a rough day for them both, the official due date for Nevaeh having finally arrived. Eddie knew it was going to be rough, if things had gone right, they’d be having their little girl. She’d be alive, breathing, and Eddie would see just how beautiful she truly was. He would have that baby he so desperately wanted...but things hadn’t worked out like that. Instead he was making up one of Richie’s favorite dinners to keep himself from dwelling.

“Honey, I’m home.” Richie yells into the apartment, walking through the front door with an energy that makes Eddie smile despite his bad mood. He liked this Richie.

“In the kitchen!” Eddie yells back, turning his attention away from the stove as he hears Richie walk further into the flat. He grins even larger when he finally catches sight of his husband.

“How was your day?” Richie asks, walking up to Eddie and wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and resting his chin onto his shoulder. Eddie places a quick kiss to Richie’s temple before going back to the food on the stove.

”It was alright, better that you’re home of course. How was yours?” Eddie asks, listening to Richie breathe which Eddie always found comforting.

“It was good, I might be leaving next week for a festival. Just depends on if Bill can get it arranged or not.” Richie says, earning a nod from Eddie. It would be the first festival Richie had gone to since it had happened and Eddie honestly wasn’t looking forward to him being gone. Lately, Richie was all that kept Eddie distracted. 

“Where are you guys going?” Eddie asks and Richie pulls away from the embrace. He leans against the counter next to the stove, watching Eddie cook as they talk.

“It’s just in Buffalo so I would only be gone for a day or two. It’s on Friday though, so you’re probably good to come along if you wanted.” Richie offers, earning a shrug from Eddie who turns off the stove. Richie takes that as his queue to set the table, reaching into the cupboard for two plates. Eddie smiles at him gratefully, dishing out the food onto both plates. Richie takes them to the table as Eddie grabs out the cups and silverware. Once they’re both at the table, Richie looks at Eddie expectantly.

“What?” Eddie asks, getting ready to take his first bite.

“You didn’t answer me.” Richie points out which only earns him another shrug from Eddie.

“That’s because I’m not sure if I want to go or not. Do you need my answer right now?” Eddie asks and Richie shakes his head.

“No...but I would really enjoy it if you did join us. It’ll be nice to get out of the apartment, don’t you think?”

”Yeah, it would be...” Eddie says quietly and there’s a silence for a while as they both eat. Richie could tell that something was off with Eddie, the way he wouldn’t maintain conversation and the way he wouldn’t really look at Richie when he did talk was enough to tell him as such. So Richie waits until they’re done before he asks what’s wrong, feeling his heart drop when he realizes it.

He felt guilty for not realizing it sooner, his smile dropping as he looks at Eddie. Eddie tells him it’s okay, but Richie can tell he isn’t doing as well as he wanted to. Eddie goes into the kitchen to do the dishes and Richie comes up with an idea to make this day something better than it was. He walks into the spare bedroom to grab the paper lantern he’d brought ages ago, having wanted to do this for Eddie for his birthday but it didn’t happen.

“Come on, I’ve got something I want to do.” Richie says after walking into the kitchen, grabbing Eddie’s hand and dragging him away from the sink before he could protest. Richie takes him to their balcony, shutting the door to the apartment behind him as Eddie looks at him expectantly. Richie pulls out the paper lantern, handing it over to his husband.

”What is this for?” Eddie asks.

“It’s for Nevaeh. It’s for her and it’s for you and it’s for me...I wanna light a lantern for her, every year from here on out because I don’t ever want to forget her. She’ll always be our angel, Eds.” Richie whispers, Eddie’s crying before he even finishes speaking. Richie wraps his arm around Eddie as they both face the city, reaching for the lighter with his free hand. Richie lights the lantern for Eddie, smiling softly when his husband rests his head against his shoulder as he finally lets go.


	33. Thirty two: Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, more jumping forward

_**Thirty-two** _

_**Moving Forward** _

Summer passes quickly, much to Richie’s dismay and to Eddie’s delight. The end of summer meant Eddie got to go back to doing what he loved instead of sitting at the apartment waiting for Richie to come home. Eddie loved his job, he loved spending time with kids but he was also a little scared to go back. Spending time with the six year old kids was just another reminder for him that he still didn’t have one. They’d been talking about it more, but neither of them were ready to commit. Richie seemed more on board with it than Eddie, which actually surprised a lot of people but they didn’t say anything. Things were getting better, Eddie was finally healing to the point where he didn’t mind holding Anastasia now and Richie was finally to the point of sleeping through most nights.

They were happy with just the two of them, but it still felt like they were missing someone. It became abundantly clear to both of them on the night of Mike’s birthday party. Neither of them wanted to go in the first place, both knowing for a fact what happened last time...but Mike was one of their closest friends and they couldn’t skimp out. So they go, sitting in front of the Hanlon-Uris house for a few minutes as they both gather up enough courage to walk inside. Eddie carries Mike’s present in one hand and holds Richie’s hand in the other.

They smile as Mike and Stan greet them at the door, Eddie exchanging Mike’s gift for the nearly ten month baby girl Stan was holding. She was a perfect mix of both her parents, her eyes a mirror copy of Stan’s and her hair the stark black of Mike’s along with his skin tone. She was more like Mike in personality though, which Eddie absolutely adored about her. Eddie still feels his heart tug when he holds her though, thinking about how if things had been different...would he be holding his own baby girl? Would Nevaeh be more like him? Or would she be like Richie?

That was always what seemed to hit him the most about it, the fact that he’d never know what his little girl would’ve been.

They make small talk for a while until Mike and Stan excuse themselves to talk to other guests, leaving Anastasia with Eddie and Richie who find a place to sit down. Richie makes funny faces at the baby, grinning like a fool every time she starts to giggle. Eddie can’t help the feeling he has watching them as it’s bitter sweet. He loved watching Richie with kids, always had...but it still hurt to think that he’d never get to watch Richie with Nevaeh.

”She likes you.” Eddie whispers, fighting back tears as he smiles.

“I think she likes anyone who’s willing to act like a complete idiot. Why do you think Mike’s her favorite?” Richie asks, earning a soft laugh from Eddie. Richie reaches for Anastasia after that and Eddie passes her over. Richie didn’t hold Anastasia often, so when he actually did Eddie didn’t mind one bit handing the baby to him. He starts bouncing her on his lap, making little sounds which of course earns giggles from the little girl. Watching the exchange seemed to ignite something in Eddie, the fear of wanting another baby dimming for a moment as all he thinks about is how badly he wanted this. He wanted mornings in the living room with Richie on his belly talking to their baby, he wanted nights of lullabies and make up stories, he wanted a family....

“I’m ready...” Eddie whispers, not realizing he’s said it out loud until Richie turns to look at him with an expression of pure shock. Richie thought it would be at least a year until Eddie reached this point, not that he was against Eddie making this decision. Richie had been ready for nearly a month himself after they’d babysat Anastasia for a day, seeing how Eddie interacted with her made his heart soar and made him want that. He wanted to try again, he wanted a family with Eddie.

“Are you sure?” Richie asks, not wanting to make Eddie feel like there’s any pressure because there wasn’t. Richie was okay with waiting for as long as Eddie needed. Eddie was the one who had to carry the baby, he was the one putting himself through all that hardship and Richie worried about what would happen if they lost another one...Eddie might not come back from it again, especially if they started trying too soon.

“Yeah...I think so anyways? It’s not too soon, is it?” Eddie asks, suddenly feeling nervous. He didn’t want Richie to think that he was forgetting about Nevaeh because he knew he’d never be able to.

“No, course not. If you’re ready, you’re ready...and I’m ready if you are, Eds...I just don’t want you to feel like you have to.” Richie says, trying to be reassuring as he looks at his husband for any sigh of hesitation.

”I don’t feel like I have to, I want to. I want a baby, Richie. I’m ready to try for another baby.” Eddie says and this time it’s with more confidence, a bright smile on his face as he looks at Richie who can’t help but return it. He leans in to give his husband a kiss, both of them laughing when Anastasia lets out a shriek of dismay when she sees they aren’t paying attention to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should they have a boy or girl?


	34. Thirty three: Negative

** _Thirty-three_ **

** _Negative_ **

So they start trying, both going into this with high hopes because of course it would be easy. They were actually planning this baby, so why wouldn’t it be? They learn quickly that wasn’t the case as pregnancy test after pregnancy test came back negative. Richie doesn’t let it discourage him at first, telling himself that it would happen when it would happen. Eddie on the other hand wasn’t so positive, his heart sinking with every negative but he tries to be as optimistic as Richie is.

It takes exactly three months for Eddie to finally hit his breaking point. It had been one of those weeks, their wedding anniversary coming up far sooner than Eddie had thought it would. Eddie wanted to make it special like he did every year but his head wasn’t in it. Richie seemed to catch onto it, telling Eddie that he didn’t have to go out of his way to make it special. Richie actually wanted to take Eddie away, go outside the city for the weekend...but he wasn’t sure if his husband would be okay with that. Eddie had sort of retreated back inside himself, doing his best to act like he was okay but Richie knew better. Which is why Richie wanted to get him away, even if it was only for a few days.

It was a few nights before their anniversary when Eddie finds himself sitting in the bathroom alone, looking down at a pregnancy test as he waits. Richie was in the living room with Stan and Mike, telling them some outrageous story while Anastasia played happily on his lap. Eddie had excused himself after dinner, needing a moment alone as the happy giggles of the little girl tugged at his heart a little too much today. Eddie wanted it so badly, he needed it so badly...but for whatever reason, Eddie still didn’t have it. He should have it, Nevaeh should be sitting in that living room right now giggling away....

The timer on Eddie’s phone interrupts his somber thoughts, the sound making him jump and quickly grab for the test only to accidentally drop it on the floor. It’s face down so he can’t see it yet. He’s almost certain his heart will beat out of his chest as he reaches down to grab it, slowly turning it over to reveal it.

**_Negative_ **

Eddie lets out a shaky breath, clenching his eyes shut as he feels the sudden urge to cry. It was three months of constant negatives, each one hitting Eddie harder than the last. He feels himself break for a moment, the tears falling down his cheeks freely. He only stops when there’s a knock on the bathroom door, a timid one.

”Eddie? Everything alright?” Richie’s voice sounds through the wood and Eddie quickly grabs some tissues.

“I’m great, Richie. I’ll be out in a minute.” Eddie says in a rush, thankful that his voice doesn’t give him away. He didn’t want to make Richie worry about him, he was fine...he just really hated the fact that he was letting Richie down. Eddie wipes his eyes, looking at himself in the mirror to make sure it wasn’t too obvious that he’d been crying before he throws everything away and finally joins Richie out in the hallway. He smiles softly at his husband, allowing Richie to grab his hand before they go back into the living room. Mike offers up Anastasia as they walk in, Eddie shaking his head but Richie takes the little girl. They sit back down, Eddie resting his head on Richie’s shoulder as Richie starts to bounce Anastasia on his knee.

“So...We’ve uh...we’ve got an announcement to make.” Stan says after a minute or two of silence, looking rather nervous and sharing a quick look with his own husband. Mike reaches over and grabs Stan’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze. Eddie moves away from Richie, sitting up a little straighter as it seemed this was a rather serious matter. Eddie hadn’t seen Mike this nervous since they’d announced they were having Anastasia.

”Oh?”

”Yeah...um...we’re uh...” Stan isn’t able to finish, looking away from Eddie because he didn’t want to see the expression on his face when he says it. Stan was well aware of Eddie’s fertility issue, how they’d been struggling and Stan was about to announce that he was pregnant again...without even trying. He was almost certain it would crush his friend and he really didn’t want to do that...but Mike had insisted that they tell them.

“We’re having another baby.” Mike finishes for his husband and Richie feels his stiffen next to him. Richie looks over at Eddie, noticing the quick flash of anger that Eddie masks with a smile. Richie wants to say something, but he knows now isn’t the time. So instead he looks over at his friends with a smile of his own, wanting to be happy with them despite the fact he was a little bit jealous. He wasn’t about to let that bring him down though, it just simply wasn’t time yet and Richie understood that.

“That’s amazing, guys! We’re so happy for you.” Richie says, speaking for both of them as Eddie can only bring himself to nod in that moment. Eddie wanted to be happy for his friends too, truly he did.

But all he could think was how unfair this was.


	35. Thirty four: A year gone by

_**Thirty-four** _

_**A year gone by** _

”Eds...babe, you gotta come out eventually.”Richie’s voice is quiet through the bathroom door later that night, the older boy almost timid as he wasn’t sure what mind frame his husband was in at that moment. Eddie had locked himself away as soon as Mike and Stan had left, not that Richie really blamed him. It hurt him too...but he wasn’t about to let his own feelings get in the way of something that was supposed to be exciting for his friends. He understood what Eddie was feeling though and he wished there was someway he could help.

“Eddie?” Richie tries again, knocking on the wood this time and trying the doorknob. Eddie seemed to have unlocked it as the door opened when Richie turned it. He walks in cautiously, looking around the somewhat spacious bathroom. Eddie’s sitting on the floor just next to the bathtub, his legs pulled up against his chest and his chin resting on his arms. Richie gives him a sad smile, his own heart tugging at the fact that it was more than clear that Eddie was still crying. Richie joins him on the floor, wrapping an arm around his husband.

“You okay?” Richie asks, already knowing it was a stupid question before he asked it. He just didn’t know what else to say and he needed to get Eddie talking. If there was one thing Richie had learned from all of this was that they needed to communicate.

“It’s not fair.” Eddie whispers, his voice shaking a little as he looks over at Richie. Richie’s heart clenches just slightly, hating to see Eddie like this but there wasn’t much he could say or do to make Eddie happy about the situation. It was rough, the last year had been rough.

“I know...but this is something exciting for them and they’re our friends...we should be happy for them.” Richie tries, but Eddie’s shaking his head and leaning against the edge of the bathtub.

“I just...I don’t get what I’m doing wrong? We’ve been trying for so long and I just...I need a baby, Richie. I just need something to fill this...this hole in my heart? I know a new baby won’t ever begin to replace what we lost, but...I feel like I deserve the shot to be a parent, after everything...and fucking Stan and Mike already have that chance. They have their daughter, we don’t. So how is that fair? What did we do to deserve this?” Eddie asks, fighting back more tears and all Richie can do is pull Eddie closer. Richie didn’t have all the answers, no matter how badly he wished he did.

He didn’t know what they did, what caused them to lose Nevaeh, but he did know that Eddie didn’t have to blame himself for things he couldn’t control. Losing Nevaeh wasn’t either one of their faults, it took Richie longer than he cares to admit to realize that. Eddie seemed to still think it was his fault though, no matter how often Richie tried to convince him otherwise. Richie could only hope that Eddie would figure that out.

“We didn’t do anything...but maybe losing Nevaeh...God, losing her will always be the worst thing that’s happened to us...but it’s made us stronger, it’s made us grow...and maybe in order for us to be truly ready for a family, that’s what had to happen. I know it’s hard and fuck...I know this sucks because I know how bad you want a baby and how bad I want one too...but we can’t force it to happen. It’ll happen when it happens and the best we can do is just...wait.” Richie says quietly, rubbing Eddie’s back as his husband rests his head against his shoulder. They fall into a silence after that, Richie’s words seeming to sink but he knew that Eddie wasn’t going to just magically feel better. Richie tries to think of what else to say, looking around the room for something else to talk about when his eyes catch the clock. It was just after midnight, their anniversary finally starting.

“Guess what? We’ve officially been married for four years now.” Richie says and Eddie moves off his shoulder with a confused expression on face.

”What?”

”It’s after midnight, happy anniversary. What would you like for your present this year?” Richie asks and Eddie lets out a sigh.

“I want a baby, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.” Eddie says honestly and Richie gives him a tight squeeze. He understood how Eddie was feeling, but Richie was still trying to look on the bright side.

”It’ll happen, babe...but how about I take you out of the city? Your mom offered up the cabin for the weekend.” Richie says quietly, kissing Eddie’s temples as he shrugs.

“As long as I’m with you, I don’t care what we do.” Eddie says and Richie feels his heart tug just a little. A lot had changed in a year, Eddie wasn’t the vibrant individual he once was and that concerned Richie...therefore, he was determined to make this an anniversary to remember, treating Eddie like the prince he was and hopefully bringing some light back into him.

A baby wasn’t going to fix Eddie, Richie knew that, and neither was a weekend away.

But it was worth a shot, and Richie was going to try his hardest to make his husband happy again.


	36. Names?

Hey guys!  
If you have any boy/girl name suggestions leave a comment cause I’m having a hard time coming up with potential names lol.


	37. Thirty five: Christmas cheer

_**Thirty-five** _

_**Christmas Tree** _

Things were better after their anniversary, getting Eddie away from the apartment seemed to lighten up his mood. Richie notices he’s not so focused on trying for a baby, finally agreeing with Richie that it would just happen when it happened. October passed quickly for them along with November, the happy mood of the house fading only slightly when it came close to Christmas time. Eddie wanted to celebrate of course, not wanting to dwell and Richie agreed with him. It didn’t make it any easier, though. They decide it’s best to celebrate with Eddie’s mother that year, being away from the place where it happened. They arrived at Nicole’s house three days before Christmas, planning to spend the whole week there as Eddie was still off work and Richie decided to take off the next week off as well. Nicole was more than excited to see them when they pulled up into her driveway, waving from her front porch.

“What on earth is she doing? Doesn’t she realize it’s freezing out here?” Eddie asks, shaking his head but there’s still a smile on his face. Something about being home always made Eddie shine just a little brighter.

“She’s happy to see you, Eds. It’s been a few months.” Richie says, shutting off the car before he climbs out. He jogs over to Eddie’s side, letting out a little surprised grunt when he nearly slips because of how icy the driveway is, but he’s quick to recover. He opens Eddie’s door for him, helping his husband out of the car.

“Careful, it’s slick.” Eddie teases, earning an eye roll from Richie.

“Go say hi, I’ll meet you inside.” Richie says, kissing Eddie’s cheek before moving out of the way so that Eddie could walk up to the house. Richie grabs the bags out of the back while Eddie hugs his mother, both of them already inside by the time Richie has everything. Eddie’s laugh echoes through the house as Richie walks inside, the sound always something Richie loved to hear and he honestly wished it wasn’t such a rare occurrence. It had been getting better, but Eddie still had his bad days. Richie was a lot better with handling them now, finding himself actually helping Eddie through it now instead of just standing there like a deer in headlights.

They were healing, each day getting just a little bit better.

“Richie, you gotta come see this!” Eddie yells from the kitchen, having heard Richie shut the front door.

“I’ll be in there in a minute, Eds. I just need to put our suitcases in our room.” Richie yells back, letting out a small groan when he realizes that he had to lug both suitcases upstairs.

“I’ve got them, babe.” Eddie says, having walked into the front room while Richie dreaded his climb. Richie jumps a little at his husband’s voice, but he recovers quickly and looks at Eddie curiously.

“Why?”

“Because mom wants to talk to you and I need something from my case anyways.” Eddie says, not taking no for an answer as he already grabs both suitcases. Richie shakes his head fondly as Eddie takes their luggage upstairs, heading into the kitchen where Nicole is pulling some sort of baked good out of her oven. She smiles when she catches sight of Richie, kissing his cheek when he walks by.

“What was it that Eddie wanted me to see?” He asks, sitting down on one of the stools.

“Oh, it’s just Anya’s Christmas card. She decided to go the funny route like usual.” Nicole says, sliding over the Christmas card. Richie chuckles softly at the image of his sister in law dressed up as Santa Clause and her boyfriend dressed up as Mrs. Clause.

“We meant to send out a card but we never got around to actually getting the pictures taken.” Richie says, putting the card back down and looking up at his mother in law.

“You’ve had a rough year, you’re forgiven.” Nicole says, smiling sympathetically. Richie wants to say something else, maybe voice his doubts about whether or not they’d be able to have another baby. Richie found it so bitterly ironic how Eddie was finally at peace with the fact that it would take time while Richie himself felt like it was never going to happen. He blamed it on the fact that it was a year ago they had found out they’d lost her, it was hard not to dwell on it.

But Eddie walks back downstairs before he has the chance. Richie looks over at his husband with a smile that fades when he sees that Eddie’s been crying. It had been a few days since his last real breakdown, so Richie wasn’t sure what had triggered him this time.

“Hey sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Richie asks, moving away from his seat to pull Eddie into his arms but Eddie shakes his head. Instead he holds out his hand, a very familiar test in it. Richie’s heart leaps up into his throat but he doesn’t let his hopes get too high. There had been so many negatives, maybe Eddie was just reacting to this one because it was THAT day.

“Eds?” Richie asks again but Eddie is still holding out the test so he takes it, turning it over so that he could see the results clear as day.

And for the first time, it was positive.


	38. Thirty six: Everything he wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo guys, don’t hate me for the fact that this is literally a jump forward chapter. It’s not a whole year, but I literally can’t force myself to write every single day of Eddie’s pregnancy and this story has to end eventually and I want to include some Reddie family stuff instead of ending it with the birth of the baby so yeah...forgive me and let’s get into the chapter.

**_December  
_**It was actually happening. Eddie couldn’t believe it, looking down at the positive pregnancy test for several minutes until he was finally able to bring himself to leave the bathroom. He hadn’t even meant to take a test, he had only opened his suitcase for his mother’s Christmas present only to find the box on top of all his clothes. He’d thrown them in at the last second, thinking that maybe one test over the holiday couldn’t hurt. So he took one and when it came out positive, Eddie instantly started to cry. He was finally there, they were finally getting this...but he couldn’t help the terrified feeling either. What if he lost this one too? What would that do to him? To Richie? To them?

Eddie didn’t voice those fears to Richie though, even when they were sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for the confirmation that this was actually real. He wasn’t sure if it was real…what if this was just some dream?

But then there’s a heartbeat, a sound Eddie never thought he’d get to hear again. There’s a baby on that screen, too small to really know what’s there but enough to make Eddie’s own heart feel like it just might break. This little baby was only eight weeks along, but Eddie already knew he’d be devastated if he lost this one.

He wouldn’t lose this one.

—————————-

**_January  
_**They’d gone back to work, the holiday break having passed. Eddie appreciates the distraction of work, keeping his mind occupied on that instead of on the concept of losing a baby. Things were going okay though, he had just gotten his second check up the day before and everything was fine. Eddie was still worried though, feeling like he would be until their little baby was actually here. They hadn’t told anyone but Eddie’s mother, only because she was there. Eddie was scared to tell anyone, not wanting to go through the sympathetic looks again if he lost this one too. Stan was having a gender reveal party tonight, Richie wanted to tell at least Mike and Stan then….

But Eddie didn’t think he could do it. It was their little secret, one that he was determined to keep safe.

—————————-

**_February  
_**Richie threw Eddie a surprise party for his birthday this year. He invited everyone he could think of and Eddie was more than grateful to have a husband like Richie. The year had been rough on both of them, yet Richie was still going out of his way to make sure Eddie was happy. So Eddie agrees that it’s time, letting Richie break the news to everyone before they cut the cake. It was the first time Eddie actually felt excited about having a baby…the worry disappearing for a moment.

—————————

**_March  
_**Eddie didn’t want to do a big reveal this time, unable to bring himself to go all out in fear that it would be a repeat of last time. So instead they sit in the hospital room, hand in hand as the doctor brings up the image on the machine. Richie’s grip on Eddie’s hand tightened just a little when the heartbeat echoed through the room. When she asks them if they want to know the gender, Eddie says no.

He wants it to be a surprise this time.

——————————

**_April  
_**Richie’s decorating the nursery when Eddie feels it, the first movement of a baby. That seemed to be when it truly clicked for him. He’d never reached this point with Nevaeh, he’d never felt her move. He’s crying when Richie comes into the living room, nearly scaring the shit out of Richie because he thought something was wrong. Eddie was quick to reassure him and Richie didn’t leave his side again for the rest of the day.

—————————

**_May  
_**They were standing on their back patio, Eddie’s head resting on Richie’s shoulder as Richie lights the lantern much like he had last year. Richie rests one of his hands on Eddie’s baby bump as they release the lantern, watching with a sad smile as it floats up into the night sky. Their little one is active, kicking at Richie’s hand and Eddie can’t help but smile too.

—————————

**_June  
_**Richie had finally finished the nursery, thanks to Mike and Bill showing up to help set up the crib along with other things. Eddie helped Stan watch Anastasia and their new little girl Lena, soaking in the sun and his last few days of freedom before their own little one arrived. Eddie was over the moon excited, counting down the days while Richie seemed to be a little more nervous. In less than a month, they’d have a baby.

They’d finally have a baby.

——————————

**_July  
_**Eddie’s water breaks in the middle of the night in late July, Richie almost panicking but keeping it together long enough to get Eddie to the hospital. He almost passes out when they take Eddie in for his c-section, the fear of becoming a dad hitting Richie in full force as they wheeled Eddie into the room. Richie could hardly breathe as they operated, holding onto Eddie’s hand almost a little too tightly. His heart is beating far too quickly, almost screeching to a halt when the sound of a screaming baby fills the room. 

They welcomed their baby boy on July 26th, naming him Teddy James Tozier. He had ten perfect fingers and toes, a head full of dark hair and Richie was convinced he had one of Eddie’s dimples.

He was everything they wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Reddie4_tyrus05 for recommending the name Teddy!
> 
> Welcome Teddy James Tozier to the family!


	39. Thirty seven: A little less than perfect

_ **Thirty-seven** _

_ **A little less than perfect** _

Eddie couldn’t stop staring at him, looking down at the sleeping baby in his arms like he was the most amazing thing on the planet. Richie couldn’t blame him though because he thought the exact same thing. It had been only a week since they’d brought Teddy home and Eddie hadn’t put the baby down for more than a few seconds. He was a permanent fixture in Eddie’s arms and Richie was happy to see Eddie...so happy. Richie could watch them for hours, the missing part in his heart slowly starting to heal more and more with every passing second of their son in their lives.

Richie didn’t think he would ever be able to love anything so easily, but the moment the doctor had handed Teddy to him, Richie knew that wasn’t the case anymore. Richie liked to think he looked like Eddie, the same button nose and a dimple on his left cheek that only showed up when he yawned. He was almost certain that all of their children would have that dimple, not that he’d mind. He wanted them to all look like Eddie...not that he’s thinking about having more just yet. Teddy was enough, Richie didn’t need anymore.

“Do you want to hold him while I take a shower?” Eddie asks, noticing Richie standing off to the side. Richie wasn’t about to pass up that offer, nodding quickly before taking the spit up rag from Eddie.

“It’ll only be a few minutes,” Eddie says, earning a soft laugh from Richie.

“Take as long as you want, now hand me the little prince.” Richie says quietly, holding out his arms for Teddy. Eddie passes him over slowly, smiling a little when the baby lets out a quiet huff at the changing of hands. Eddie presses a soft kiss to the baby’s forehead along with a kiss to Richie’s cheek before he walks towards their bedroom. Richie takes a seat down on the floor, propping his legs up so he can lay Teddy against them. He grins like a fool when Teddy yawns, revealing the dimple that Richie just constantly wanted to kiss.

“You sure are a sleepy little prince today. I guess that means your mama and I are in for a long night.” Richie teases, taking a finger and running it along Teddy’s cheek. The baby slowly opens his eyes, looking at Richie with a dazed expression that seemed to make his heart grow even more. He feels a small sadness wash over him for a second though as he finds his mind wandering to Nevaeh. He knows it’s stupid to dwell on something like the fact he’d never got to experience any of this with her, but he still found himself doing just that. He knows that if things had worked out if she would’ve lived...they wouldn’t have Teddy. So it was a bittersweet thing for him and he finds it hard to picture his life without the little boy in his lap, especially when the baby lets out a rather loud shriek that causes him to jump.

“Oh I’m sorry, was I not paying enough attention to you?” Richie coos down at him, hooking his thumbs with Teddy’s hands.

“Your mama and I have waited so long for you, do you know that? I didn’t realize how badly I wanted you until we lost your sister...and I regret how I acted when she came about...and maybe I wish things could’ve been different, but now I just...I’m glad you’re here, Teddy. I know you don’t understand a single thing I’m saying to you...but I just want you to know that I will love you no matter what. I won’t let myself become like my parents, I promise I’ll do better by you...and I hope that I’m a good father to you, Teddy. Your mama has it all down, he’s a natural at this whole parent thing...but I’m going to need some work, so I apologize to you right now if I don’t live up to your expectations...not that you really have any being since you’re only a week old, but still.” Richie says, laughing a little at his own insecurities. He hadn’t voiced it to Eddie yet, mainly because he didn’t want to ruin this blissful feeling that had fallen over their home...but ever since Teddy had arrived, Richie’s doubts about himself had come back full force. 

It didn’t help that his father had been calling him none stop either, dredging up the past that Richie had tried so desperately to push down. Eddie was too entranced with the baby to really take notice and for that Richie was somewhat grateful for. Eventually, Richie’s father would drop off the face of the earth again, not having a care for what Richie was doing. Until then, Richie just had to act like it didn’t bother him.

So he keeps himself focused on the now very awake baby in his lap, cooing down at him and telling him little stories that he knew Teddy wouldn’t understand till he was much older. He doesn’t even skip a beat when Eddie joins them on the floor, continuing with his story about the three little pigs as Eddie rests his head on his shoulder.

It didn’t matter if things were messy, if things weren’t perfect.

All that mattered was their little family, their little less than perfect family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates might be a little slow cause I’m in the process of moving :(


	40. Thirty eight: A nice night at home

_**Thirty-eight** _

_**A nice night at home** _

“So, I’m thinking we should go visit my mom this weekend? She hasn’t seen Teddy since he was born, it would be nice to get away from the city?” Eddie says a few weeks later as he finishes up with dinner, looking into the living room where Richie and Teddy both were. Richie was trying to get Teddy interested in his toys, picking them up and waving them around as he made whooshing sounds but Teddy was more interested in the blanket.

“Richie?” Eddie calls out again, shaking his head fondly as he realizes his husband isn’t listening. He didn’t mind, Teddy was a wonderful distraction.

“What?” Richie calls back, scooping Teddy up off the floor to see what his husband needed. Teddy takes that moment to stuff his hand into his mouth, something that he had just recently started doing. Richie chuckles at his actions, taking the hand out of his mouth and wrapping his tiny fingers around his own thumb.

“I was just saying that we should take a trip to my mother’s this weekend, let her see the baby and spend some time away from the city.” Eddie says, kissing Teddy’s cheek as Richie walks past him. Richie nods his head in agreement, reaching for one of Teddy’s burp cloths along with the bottle that Eddie had prepared earlier. Richie quickly tests the temperature, deeming it perfect before he sits down to feed the baby.

“Sure. I could use some time away from the city.” Richie says, not adding on the part about his father. He thought he would eventually give up, but it had been nearly three weeks of endless calls. He was rather grateful his father didn’t know where they lived or else he would probably show up at their doorstep. The last thing Richie needed was his father ruining this too. If Richie had his way, Teddy would never meet either of his grandparents on Richie’s side.

“Great, I’ll call her tomorrow and let her know we’re coming. She might be able to convince Anya to join us too, have a family weekend at the cabin or something.” Eddie says, grinning rather happily as he starts to dish their dinner out. He takes his seat next to Richie, holding his arms out for the baby so that Richie could try to eat but his husband shakes his head.

“You eat first, I got the baby.”

“I never thought I’d see the day when you let your food go cold.” Eddie says in a joking matter, earning a soft laugh from his husband.

“I didn’t either, but things change,” Richie says, looking away from Eddie and down at Teddy who was drinking his bottle rather contently. Richie can’t help the lovesick grin he has on his face as Teddy gazes up at him, not truly focusing on Richie but it was enough to make the young man feel like a fool.

“He sure is something.” Eddie says quietly, reaching out to stroke Teddy’s cheek with a lovesick smile of his own. He had waited so long for a moment like this, a family of three sitting at the dinner table, and it was everything he’d ever hoped it would be. Richie holding their son made his heart soar and he was so grateful that he finally got this.

“He’s gonna be a soccer player if he keeps kicking those feet of his.” Richie coos down, chuckling softly when Teddy kicks out his legs yet again.

“Are we going to turn into one of those family movies where Teddy doesn’t want to be a soccer player and you use that god awful phrase of ‘but son, you’re giving up your dream!’ To which Teddy replies with ‘no dad, I’m giving up your dream?’” Eddie asks, earning a loud laugh from Richie.

“So basically you picture our future as High School Musical?” Richie asks.

“Yes, but with less musical numbers.”

“So does that make me Zac Efron?” Richie continues to tease, looking away from the baby and at his husband who’s pretending to think about it.

“Only if you feel compiled to lay down a musical number wearing nothing but a soccer jersey.” Eddie says, returning Richie’s grin with one that Richie always wanted to see. Eddie hadn’t been this happy for so long and Richie would give anything for it to always be like this.

“I mean, if that’s what you’re into.” Richie says, winking at Eddie who laughs softly. A silence falls over them as Eddie eats and Richie finishes up with the baby. Eddie takes Teddy once he seems disinterested in the bottle, allowing Richie to eat as he burps the baby.

“So a weekend away...have you maybe thought about what I asked you the other day?” Richie asks, looking up from his plate and at Eddie who was walking around the kitchen.

“About moving?” Eddie asks in return.

“Yeah...I know it doesn’t seem like the right time, but I think it’ll be good for us to get a place outside of the city. Somewhere where Teddy can grow up with a yard...maybe we can get a dog?” Richie offers up, watching as Eddie continues to walk in circles.

“I mean, it’s not a bad idea...but I don’t think now is the time? Maybe when Teddy is a little bit older and our hands aren’t so full? I’m not saying no, I’m just saying not now…” Eddie says, earning a nod from Richie who knows it’s probably best to drop the subject until later.

“Okay. Is it bath time?”


	41. Thirty nine: Threats

_**Thirty-nine** _

_**Threats** _

”It was good seeing everyone, don’t you think?” Eddie asks as Richie drives them home, pulling onto their street after what felt like ages of driving. It had been nice to get away from the city, Richie enjoying the country side a little too much.

“It was, I think you even made Anya a little baby hungry.” Richie says, locking eyes with his husband through the rear view mirror. Eddie chuckles softly at that, looking down at Teddy who was slowly starting to wake up. It was almost dinner time for the little baby and Eddie was grateful they were almost home.

“I doubt it, Anya is about as stubborn about kids as you are.”

“Maybe, but I came around.” Richie says, smiling again at his husband as they pull into the parking lot of their apartment building. The smile is short lived when a familiar car is parked not too far from Richie’s usual spot, he could almost see his father sitting in the backseat but Richie acts like he doesn’t.

“How about you take Teddy inside and I’ll get our bags?” Richie offers up, keeping a wary eye on his father’s car as he parks his own.

“Are you sure you won’t need any help?” Eddie asks, but Richie ignores his question as he climbs out of the car. He helps Eddie out, smiling softly at his husband but Eddie could sense something was off. Eddie doesn’t get the chance to press the issue before Teddy starts crying as Richie pulls the car seat out of the car.

“He’s probably hungry, babe. I’ve got the luggage.” Richie says again and Eddie doesn’t argue, taking the baby from Richie and heading towards the stairs that lead to their apartment. Richie waits until Eddie is out of sight before he walks over to the car, waiting patiently as his father rolls down the window.

“What are you doing here?” Richie asks, not even bothering with a hello. Richie’s father was too close to his family, something Richie had promised himself he wouldn’t allow.

“Now that’s not a proper way to greet your father that you haven’t seen in almost five years, Richie. I raised you much better than that.” The man says, having not even bothered to look at his son yet. He was fixing the cuffs of his suit as if it was the most important thing to be doing in that moment.

“Well I guess good news for you is that you didn’t even raise me, kind of comes along with the whole abandoning me when I was six.” Richie says, not caring how bitter he sounded because damn was he bitter. He hated this man with every fiber of his being and seeing him reminded him of just that fact.

“Why are you here?” Richie asks again, this time a little more forceful.

”You’ve been ignoring my calls and it was important that I speak to you.”

“Well there’s nothing I want to hear from you, so do us both a favor and just leave.” Richie says, moving away from the car only to have his father reach out to grab his arm.

“Richie, I wouldn’t have come here if it wasn’t important. I know how much you despise me.”

“Yet you’re still fucking here.” Richie says, removing his father’s hand from his arm. Richie doesn’t bother with a goodbye, walking away from his father only to stop when he hears him say something more.

“I’m dying, Richie.” He says it so casually, like it was something people often said around the dinner table. It was enough to make Richie stop, the younger man turning around to look at his father.

”You say that as if I’m supposed to care?” Richie asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

”Clearly you do if you’re still standing here.”

“What do you want from me?” Richie asks instead of addressing what his father said.

“Nothing, yet. What I ask of you is that when my time comes, you take over my life’s work.”

”I want nothing to do with that life. As far as that fucking business of yours is concerned, I’d rather watch it burn. So my answer is no.” Richie says, earning a soft laugh from his father that chilled Richie to his very core.

“Not even for your little family? It was nice of you to inform me that I have a grandson by the way.”

”My family is of no concern to you and I swear to god that if I ever see you anywhere near them again, I’l—“

”You’ll what? By all means, finish your little threat, Richie. You know that nothing can touch me, not even you.” His father says, looking at him with dark brown eyes that matched his own. It was a look that Richie hated, one that was waiting for him to fight back.

“I don’t want this.”

”You don’t have much of a choice, son. If you want to keep that family of yours safe and happy, I’d suggest you take my offer. I’m giving you one week, if I don’t hear from you before then I will assume you refuse and well...you know what happens when you don’t do as you’re told.” Richie’s father says, smiling yet another smile that Richie just wished more than anything he could get rid of. He watches helplessly as his father pulls out of the parking lot, his eyes following until the car is completely out of sight. Richie grabs the luggage out of his own car, keeping his breathing steady as he walks up to the apartment. Eddie’s talking to Teddy in the kitchen, telling him some sort of story about the hungry pigs and Richie feels his heart sink.

He had to keep them safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh cheese....who’s worried af right now? cause I am. 
> 
> Get ready for some drama.


	42. Sequel?

Hey guys!

moving has been pretty hectic and crazy but I promise to get the next chapter out by tonight!

Anyway I’ve been debating with myself about making a squeal for this book, I was surprised when this book began to get views and kudos cause I wasn’t sure if it was good lol.

But would you guys be interested in a sequel to this book?


	43. Forty: Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only have five more chapters before this story comes to a end🏃🏾♀️💨

_**Forty** _

_**Fear** _

”Did he go down alright?” Richie asks a few hours later, walking out of the bathroom after his shower to see Eddie changing into his pajamas. Eddie nods his head, pulling his shirt over his head as he climbs onto their bed. Eddie sits with his legs crossed, frowning when he sees the somewhat stressed expression on Richie’s face. He’d been acting weird all day, ever since they’d gotten home.

“Are you doing okay?” Eddie asks as Richie climbs into their bed, Richie’s shoulders seeming to tense at the question. Richie didn’t want to do this now, he didn’t want to tell Eddie just yet...but he knew it wasn’t wise to put it off. He’d learned that the last time their marriage was in jeopardy...but he didn’t know for sure if saying what he had to say would put their marriage on the rocks again.

“Yeah, just um...I’m tired is all. It was a long weekend.” Richie says quietly, letting out a laugh when Eddie gives him an unconvinced look.

”What’s going on, Richie?” Eddie presses, looking at his husband as Richie lets out a sigh. He didn’t know how to tell Eddie this, he was unsure of how he was going to react.

“It’s...” Richie starts, running a hand through his hair as he tries to think of how to tell him. Richie’s past was always something he kept under lock and key. He didn’t talk about his family, he didn’t talk about what his father did for a living. He kept that part as far from Eddie as he could, figuring that there wouldn’t be a time when it would all come after him. Richie had always thought his father would leave him alone, the man having made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with him the day he married Eddie. Richie had never wanted Eddie to get involved with that part of his life.

“It’s what, Richie?” Eddie asks, waiting patiently which for some reason makes it harder for Richie. Richie couldn’t help but wonder if this would be the final straw, the final thing that broke apart their marriage despite the fact things had been going so well. They had finally gotten back on track, happiness filled their home and here Richie was about to ruin it all because he couldn’t escape his past.

”It’s my father, Eddie...He’s...He’s back. He’s back and wants me to...to take over the family business.” Richie says quietly, looking down at his hands. His eyes are on the wedding band, reminding himself that Eddie loves him no matter what his past was, no matter what his father demanded of him. They would be okay, Eddie wouldn’t leave.

“The family business?” Eddie asks, his forehead scrunching as he looks at Richie in confusion. This was the first he’d heard about a family business, but to be fair Richie never talked about his family. It was a taboo subject, Eddie not wanting to press Richie on the matter and Richie never really liked talking about it anyways.

“Yes.” Is all Richie gets out, his heart beating so fast he was just waiting for it to burst out of his chest. He wasn’t sure if he could say it, he wasn’t sure if he could admit to his husband of five years that he lied.

”What exactly is the family business? Is it saving people, hunting things?” Eddie asks, a teasing tone to his voice now but he’s worried that Richie won’t even look at him.

“My father is-“ Richie starts, but Teddy’s cries sound over the baby monitor. Eddie stands up off the bed, giving Richie a look that says they’ll continue this conversation later. Richie pulls his knees up to his chest as Eddie leaves the room, resting his forehead against them as he tries to regulate his breathing. It doesn’t get better as he hears Eddie start to sing to the baby, the sounds mixing together and Richie thinks about how badly he had to keep them safe.

Richie needed to keep his family safe, he needed to keep them away from the darkness that was just outside their front door. Richie didn’t stay in their room for very long, slowly walking down their hallway to stand in Teddy’s doorway. He watches as Eddie rocks back and forth, singing some lullaby that Richie didn’t recognize. Richie knew he’d do anything to keep his family out of harms way.

He couldn’t tell Eddie yet, not tonight. So instead he wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist, looking down at the baby that was slowly starting to go back to sleep. Richie presses a soft kiss to Eddie’s neck, humming as Eddie looks over at him.

“I love you.” Richie says, reaching out to brush a finger across Teddy’s cheek as if he has to remind himself that this is real. Eddie smiles at his husband, kissing him before he places the baby back into the crib.

“I love you too, even when you’re being exceptionally weirder than usual.” Eddie says, earning a soft laugh from Richie but it doesn’t sound as genuine.

“Come on, let’s get some sleep before the little one decides he’s hungry.” Richie says and Eddie doesn’t see the point in pressing Richie into telling him something he’s not ready to tell. So together they head back into their bedroom, Eddie resting on Richie’s chest and listening to his heartbeat before falling asleep.

Richie can’t sleep though.


	44. Hey!

Hey guys!

I know I haven’t updated in a while and I’m really sorry about that, but moving has be pretty crazy mixed in with some family issues. I promise I’ll be updating soon, thank you all for so much support and love💓


	45. Forty one: A wave goodbye

_**Forty-one** _

_**A wave goodbye** _

”And you’re sure you’ll be okay? I’m sure they’ll be fine without me.” Eddie says a few days later, looking at Richie nervously as his husbands holds their baby. Eddie’s work had called asking him to attend a seminar yesterday morning, Eddie having agreed to attend only to wish he hadn’t. He hadn’t really thought it through and was just now realizing that he’d be away from Teddy for almost a week. Eddie hadn’t been without the baby since he’d been born, so it was safe to say he was having a bit of separation anxiety. Richie on the other hand was glad Eddie was getting away, it gave him more time to figure out how he was going to deal with his father. He hadn’t told Eddie yet, several things seeming to get out of the way. Richie knew he was putting it off, making up excuses but he just didn’t know how to tell Eddie that his father was in charge of one of New York’s biggest drug trafficking rings...and that when they were first together, Richie was apart it.

It wasn’t something that came easily, Richie knew that.

“We’ll be fine, Eddie. I’m more than capable of taking care of this little tiger on my own.” Richie says, smiling softly as Eddie bites on his bottom lip. Eddie wasn’t sure if he should go, the idea of leaving Teddy not a very pleasant one. He knew it was the anxiety that something might happen while he’s gone and that this moment was the last he’d ever see of the sleepy baby boy in his husband’s arms. He knew it was a silly thing to think, but he’d already lost one baby...what was going to stop it from happening again?

“I just don’t know if I should go...what if something happens?” Eddie asks and realization dawns on Richie as to why Eddie seemed so reluctant.

“Babe, I swear that we’ll be fine. Nothing is going to happen and I promise that I’ll face time you every night before he goes to sleep so you can sing him his lullaby. We’ll be okay.” Richie says quietly, walking over to his husband and grabbing his hand with his free one. He gives it a tight squeeze but Eddie still seems unsure.

“You promise?” Eddie asks quietly, reaching out to brush a finger across Teddy’s cheek. The baby’s nose scrunches at the action, his big brown eyes blinking open for just a moment. Eddie was silently hoping that they’d stay brown, but he knew Richie was wishing for the hazel. Teddy already looked more like Eddie than he did Richie with the same dimpled cheek and button nose, so Eddie was hoping he’d get Richie’s brown eyes.

”I promise, Eddie.” Richie says, leaning in to kiss Eddie’s cheek. Eddie smiles a little at that before letting out a sigh.

“Okay...let’s get my luggage into the car before I convince myself out of it.” Eddie says, already reaching for his bag. Richie chuckles a little at his husband, following him out of the door so he could say goodbye at the car. Richie was going to miss of him course, but he couldn’t help but feel a little glad that Eddie was going to be out of the city.

“God, I hate these stairs.” Eddie grumbles once they reach the main level. They lived on the second floor so it wasn’t too bad of a walk, but Eddie always hated those stairs.

”Maybe when you get back, we can go back to looking for houses? I know you said you wanted to wait to move until Teddy was about a year old, but it doesn’t hurt to look.” Richie offers, opening the trunk for Eddie which of course earned a noise of disagreement from Teddy. He didn’t like to be moved around when he was trying to sleep, a trait that reminded Eddie an awful lot of Richie on a Sunday morning.

“You’re right, it won’t hurt to look...maybe you can put together a list of houses for us to look at when I get back?” Eddie offers back, earning a nod from Richie.

”Sure. Are you heading out then or do you still have some time?” Richie asks.

“I’ve got enough time to help put him down for his nap if that’s what you’re asking.” Eddie says, smiling softly at Richie who can’t help but chuckle.

”That wasn’t what I was asking, but being since you’re offering...” Richie says, continuing to grin as Eddie kisses his cheek again. They walk back up to the apartment after that, Richie keeping a weary eye on the parking lot because he could’ve sworn he’d seen the all too familiar black car parked not too far away. Eddie helps put Teddy down for his nap, having an even harder time walking away from the sleeping baby than he had when he was awake. He gives him an extra kiss to his forehead before allowing Richie to pull him away, the younger of the two giving one last wave goodbye before he finally leaves.

Richie watches him go from their living room window, feeling a sense of relief when Eddie’s car is no longer in sight. The relief is short lived when he sees the black car in the parking lot though, the license plate a dead giveaway for who it belonged to. Richie had to figure out what he was going to do and he had to do it fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally here’s a chapter!  
> Sorry it took me so long, hope you enjoy


	46. Forty two: The wire

_**Forty Two** _

_**The wire** _

”Bill, I’m only asking you to watch him for a few hours.” Richie says over the phone, buckling Teddy into his car seat as he tries to convince his best friend. Richie didn’t want to take Teddy with him when he went to his father’s. The last place he wanted his son was anywhere near that man and he couldn’t take Teddy to Mike’s. It would get back to Eddie and then Eddie would ask questions, questions that Richie knew for a fact he wasn’t ready to answer yet.

”Richie, I haven’t been alone with a baby in years. What if he like....I don’t know, explodes or something?” Bill asks, earning a surprised laugh from Richie.

”He won’t explode, Bill. The worst that will happen is that he decides you’re his new target for the pee Olympics. It’s going to be two hours tops, I promise.” Richie reassures, tucking in Teddy’s blanket before placing a soft kiss to his son’s forehead. Bill let’s out a sigh, seeming to give in at that point.

”Fine, but I swear if he explodes, you’re the one telling Eddie, not me.”

——————

Richie sits in the driveway for what seems like forever, looking at the familiar front door with a frown. He didn’t want to go in there, he didn’t want to face his father ever again...but he had to do this for his son, for his husband, for his family. It was why he was wearing a wire and why just a few streets away a white van was parked waiting for the word to hit the house. Richie had enough courage to stand up to his father, the idea of his family being in danger more than enough to spur him on.

He wouldn’t allow his son to grow up in a family like his own. Richie had made that promise long before he was born, he’d made that promise to Nevaeh. He wanted his children to grow up in a family like Eddie’s, he wanted them to be happy. He didn’t want them surrounded by secrets, by monsters in the closet, by hatred. He want them to know what it was like to be loved for everything that they were, not the things everyone wanted them to be.

He didn’t want them to be like him.

So he walks into his father’s home, head held high. He recognizes the faces around him, but he makes no move to greet. This was a part of his life he wasn’t proud of, one that he wished to forget. He walks the halls to his father’s main office, the memories of this place flashing through his mind as he does so. He grew up in this home, he played in these halls...and now he wanted nothing more than to burn this place down.

His father doesn’t even look up from his desk as Richie walks into the room, making no move to greet him or acknowledge that he’d even arrived until Richie sits down. Richie clears his throat, looking at him expectantly but it was just like he was a teenager again. Richie would never be important to his father, he was simply a means to an end and Richie knew that. He was reminded of the fact nearly every day until he finally left home, until he met Eddie.

As he listens to his father talk, Richie realizes just how lucky he was to have Eddie in his life. If it weren’t for him, Richie would still be stuck in this life. He wouldn’t have what he has now...he wouldn’t even know what it was like to be loved, to actually have someone care about his feelings for once. Richie knew that Eddie had to know about this and as soon as he got back home, he’d tell his husband everything.

Richie sits there and listens, reminding himself that it was almost over. He would be able to walk out those doors completely free, his father having no idea of the storm he was about to endure. He counts down the seconds, watching the clock above his father’s desk.

He couldn’t be more grateful when his father dismisses him, telling him that he’d be in contact when the time was right. Richie knew that wouldn’t be the case, walking out the room with a smirk on his face that falls when his father speaks again.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice the wire, Richie?” He asks, the words sending a chill through Richie’s bones. He turns around slowly, meeting his father’s gaze. Their eyes were the same shade of brown, something that Richie had always hated about himself. Every time he looked in the mirror, he was reminded of the fact he had this man as his father.

“I...I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Richie manages to get out, his heart beating faster and his hands are now sweaty. He knew the look in his father’s eyes, his blood running cold because he knew what was coming.

”You were always so terrible at lying.” His father says, Richie feeling his heart stop beating as he sees the familiar glint of his father’s gun. All he could think in that moment was that his family was safe, Eddie’s smiling face the last thing he pictures before he hears the gun go off.

And then everything goes blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’ve know it’s been a while since I’ve updated and I’m sorry. I hope you guys are still interested in the story lol


	47. Forty-three: A somewhat proposal

_**Forty-three** _

_**A somewhat proposal** _

The next thing Richie knows, he’s waking up in a hospital room. He squints up at the ceiling, trying to think about how he ended up here in the first place. He remembered dropping Teddy off at Bill’s....He remembered going to his father’s....He remembered the glint of the gun...and Richie’s sitting up in the bed, his chest heaving as he realizes he almost died. He can hear the heart monitor next to him going haywire as he gasps for breath, hands reaching out to touch his arm ever so gently.

“Richie, shhh...you’re okay.” Eddie whispers, his voice like music to Richie’s ears. Richie’s heart slowly stops racing, his brown eyes meeting with Richie’s hazel eyes and he feels like he can breathe again. The moment of peace passes quickly, Eddie’s eyes darkening in the way they always did when he was angry.

”Eds...” Richie starts, but he doesn’t know what to say. He wants to say he’s sorry, but in a way he wasn’t. This was what had to happen to stop his father from coming after them, it was what he had to do to keep his family safe. He wasn’t sorry about that, but he was sorry that he’d made Eddie worry.

“You could’ve died.” Eddie says, his voice flat and all emotion seemed to be gone in that moment. Richie lets out a shaky sigh, nodding his head because yes he understood that...

”I know...and I’m sorry.” Richie says, looking at Eddie again so that he knew just how sorry he was.

“I thought I lost you, Richie. One second I’m sitting in on a lecture and next thing I know it’s the hospital calling me saying you’d been shot...They didn’t tell me you were okay, they didn’t tell me anything and I just...I couldn’t breathe. All I could think about was that if I lost you, I wouldn’t know what to do...Do you have any fucking idea how angry I am with you?” Eddie’s got tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes, his hand reaching out to grab Richie’s despite what he says, being mindful of the IV. He looks down at the hand, holding it tightly enough for Richie to know just how much this hit Eddie. Richie slowly takes Eddie’s hand, moving it away from the bed and resting it on his chest.

“I’m okay, Eds. I’m okay...” Richie whispers, looking at Eddie patiently as his husband starts to sniff. Richie reaches out with his free hand, wiping away the few tears that are running down Eddie’s cheeks, smiling so softly when Eddie looks up at him again.

“You’re not allowed to do that to me every again, do I make myself clear? I can’t lose you, I won’t lose you.” Eddie says, keeping his voice steady but Richie could see he was barley keeping it together. They’d lost so much already, the pain still there despite the fact it had been almost two years now.

“You won’t. Everything will be okay now, Eddie. I promise.” Richie says, hoping that he sounds reassuring and that it’s not coming across as an empty promise. Richie wasn’t sure what the future held, but he was pretty confident that the police had more than enough evidence on his father to lock him up for a very long time. Richie’s family was safe.

“You better keep that promise, Tozier.” Eddie says, the smallest of smiles playing on his lips now and Richie feels a little better. Richie holds Eddie’s hand a little tighter, looking at his husband with a new sense of love. Eddie looked different for some reason, but a good different. His eyes were lighter, his smile a little brighter despite the fact it was such a small one. Eddie was even more beautiful even as they sit in a hospital room, Richie in a hospital bed after risking his life for this man. For their little not so percent family...so maybe that’s why he says it, the words that make Eddie look at him like he’s a fool.

“Marry me.” Richie doesn’t even stop them, looking at Eddie with the fondest looks.

”You must’ve hit your head or something, we’re already married.” Eddie says, a rather confused look on his face that Richie just found absolutely adorable.

“I know...but I want to do it again. Eddie, these last few years have been so hard on us...We’re not the same carefree kids that got married almost five years ago. We’ve grown into two completely different people since then...and maybe it’s time that we renew our vows. Make new promises, make our future even better than it already is. I want to marry you again because dammit, I love you.” Richie says and maybe he is acting like a complete fool, but that’s what he wanted. He wanted to tell this man in front of all their family and friends that he loved him, that he’d love him and all their children until the day he died.

“Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?” Eddie asks, but he’s smiling which Richie takes as a good sign.

“I don’t care. If you want me to get down on one knee again, I will. Just be mindful of the fact that I just got sho-“ Richie starts, only to have Eddie lean in to kiss his husband quiet. He pulls away after a few seconds, his hazel eyes shinning to the point that Richie felt like he might go blind if he looks into them too long.

”Is that a yes?” Richie asks after he pulls away, earning an eye roll from Eddie.

”What do you think?”


	48. Forty-five: Dancing in a living room

_**Forty-five** _

_**Dancing in a living room** _

”Richie, careful.” Eddie scolds as he helps his husband up the stairs to their apartment the best he could. Richie was being stubborn as usual, wanting to do everything himself but Eddie wasn’t going to allow that. Richie knows it’s simply because Eddie’s worried about him, Richie didn’t blame him...but Richie wasn’t going to give up his independence just for that instance. They already had a baby to fret over, Richie didn’t want to add to Eddie’s burden.

But Teddy was over at Nicole’s for the night, taking away Richie’s main excuse as to why Eddie couldn’t take care of him. So Richie humors his husband the best he can, leaning against Eddie as he helps him up the stairs. He smiles softly at Eddie once they reach their home, following Eddie in. Richie stops in the living room, taking in the surroundings with a smile on his face. Eddie is in the kitchen as Richie walks towards their stereo, turning it on for the first time in what felt like years. The familiar sounds of one of Eddie’s favorite songs starts drifting through the small apartment after a few seconds, the sound summoning Eddie into the room. Richie hadn’t hear this song in nearly three years, a smile on his face when he catches sight of Eddie.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asks as Richie walks over to him, taking one of Eddie’s hands to rest on Richie’s shoulder and holding the other in his own. Carefully, Richie wraps an arm around Eddie’s waist, slowly starting to sway to the music as Eddie looks at him like he’d lost his mind.

“I’m making you dance with me, what does it look like I’m doing?” Richie returns, chuckling softly when Eddie glares at him.

“Since when have you danced?” Eddie asks as Richie starts to hum along, moving them around in a small circle because that was all Richie really knew.

“I wouldn’t classify this as dancing, per say.” Richie says quietly, keeping Eddie close. Richie didn’t know what it was, he didn’t know why he was feeling the way that he was...he just knew that he needed to keep Eddie close, as close as he could because he was so scared of what would happen if he let go. Richie knew it was silly to think that, especially considering that his father was behind wars and Eddie was still here despite knowing the situation. Richie was waiting for Eddie to say it though, despite everything.

It was just what Richie did.

“Are you doing okay?” Eddie asks after a minute passes, looking at his husband the best he can as they continue to sway. Richie had that checked out look on his face, one that told Eddie he was overthinking something. Almost eight years together and Eddie could read Richie like an open book. Richie lets out a sigh, nodding his head even though he wasn’t quite convinced himself.

”Yes. Right now, I am doing just fine.”

“You don’t lo-“ Eddie starts, but Richie kisses him before he gets very far with it. Richie pulls away after a few seconds, resting his forehead on Eddie’s.

“Let’s just dance, Eds. We can talk about how fine I am in the morning, but right now...I just want to hold you like this. Is that okay?” Richie asks, the slight tinge of emotion in his voice enough to make Eddie back down. He still watches his husband with a concerned expression, but he doesn’t say anything else. Instead he lets Richie hold him close, swaying softly to the music before he rests his head on Richie’s chest.

Eddie had always felt at home in Richie’s arms, the steady sound of his heartbeat meeting with the rifts of a guitar somehow the most comforting sound to Eddie. It was a small reminder that he’d almost lost this, if things had gone differently...Richie wouldn’t be standing in their living room, singing along ever so softly to the song. Eddie wouldn’t have his husband anymore, Teddy would’ve grown up without a father, both of those things that Richie would’ve never wanted...but yet it almost happened.

“Richie?” Eddie whispers after another moment passes, pulling away from his husband’s chest to look him in the eyes.

”Yeah, Eds?”

”Do you think you could promise me something?” Eddie asks, Richie stopping their swaying at the mere seriousness in Eddie’s voice.

“Of course...Anything you want.” Richie says, letting go of Eddie’s hand to brush a lock of hair behind his husband’s ear. His fingers brush across Eddie’s cheek as he pulls his hand away, Eddie’s heart fluttering at the simple touch. Eddie’s got so many different things he wants for Richie to promise, but in the end it only boiled down to one.

“Promise me you won’t leave me.” He says, feeling vulnerable in that moment despite the fact he knew that Richie would agree with no hesitation. They had once been so broken, to the point where they didn’t even recognize themselves...but together, they’d fixed those pieces, putting them back together one by one. They’d grown together and the idea of ever losing that other half was terrifying enough to where Eddie still felt like he needed a promise.

Richie looks at his husband for a moment, his hazel eyes shining in the soft light coming in through the windows. Richie sees all the pain, all the trails that they’d been through as they stand in that living room. Richie knew his answer, without a doubt. He leans in for another kiss, this one lasting longer than the last as the song slowly starts to fade.

”I promise.”


	49. Forty-five: With the whole of your heart

_**Forty-five** _

_**With the whole of your heart** _

”Are you sure you’ve done this before? You’re sweating.” Bill asks Richie a few minutes later, helping the younger with his tie but Richie is quick to swat his friend’s hand away.

“It’s hot.” Richie says lamely, adjusting his tie so it no longer looks like a complete disaster. Richie’s hands are shaking as he does it, the nerves hitting him even though Bill was right. Richie couldn’t help but be nervous, Eddie always had a way of making him nervous.

”Yeah, okay. And I’m the prince of England.” Bill scoffs out.

“Technically there is a Prince Bill.” Richie retorts, earning a snort from Bill. Whatever his reply was, it got cut off by Nicole walking into the room with a now six month old Teddy in her arms. It still amazed Richie how much his son looked like Eddie, the mannerisms alone more than enough to convince anyone he was Eddie Kaspbrak’s son. He had Richie’s eyes though, that being the only trait he’d gotten from his other father it seemed.

“Sorry to interrupt, but this little guy seems to want someone who isn’t his grandma.” Nicole says, Richie not even hesitating to take his son from his mother-in-law. Teddy grins at Richie with a grin that matched Eddie’s, the dimple on his cheek making Richie grin just as wide.

”Well hello, have you been causing trouble for your grandma?” Richie asks, earning nothing more than a string of giggles from Teddy. Teddy hadn’t started really talking yet, the occasional baby babbling what filled the home. Eddie was determined to make his first word be Mama, but Richie had an inkling it would be Dada. They had a bet, Richie really wanted to win.

“How’s Eddie?” Richie asks, taking his attention from the baby for a second to look at Nicole. Teddy starts to play with Richie’s cheeks, grabbing at them while cooing. He lets out a shriek when Richie doesn’t give him his immediate attention, the sound making everyone in the room chuckle softly.

“Well for it being his second wedding, he’s about as nervous as you are.” Nicole says, earning a scoff from Richie who is back to pulling faces at Teddy in hopes of keeping the baby entertained.

“I’m not nervous.”

”He’s lying, he’s been sweating bullets for the past hour.” Bill chimes in, Richie shooting him a glare.

“I’m fine, Bill is exaggerating.” Richie says, turning to look at his mother-in-law for a second but she didn’t look convinced. Richie gets ready to argue his case when there’s another knock on the door, this time Stan sticking his head through with a grin.

”You guys ready? The show’s about to start.”

—————————

Eddie didn’t remember being this nervous the first time as he walked down the small aisle. He didn’t remember his hands being so sweaty, his breath coming out so strained. Something about this time felt different, not in a bad way of course. He was happy they were doing this, he was even happier that they were just doing it in front of their friends and family in his mother’s vacation home. It was more than perfect with the snow falling outside, the small Christmas lights making Eddie feel at peace. They had decided to renew their vows in December for the sole reason that December had been one of the roughest months of their lives not too long ago. Richie wanted to make it happy again and Eddie agreed with his idea.

Eddie feels tears start to pool in his eyes when he sees Richie walking down with Teddy in his arms, their little boy waving and babbling in his small baby language. He laughs softly when Richie passes Teddy back over to Nicole, the baby letting out a very loud shriek of annoyance at the fact that he was no longer being held by either of his parents. Eddie isn’t truly listening to Mike, who was running the ceremony, the younger of the couple too entranced in his husband to really care.

He couldn’t get over the fact that after all of the bullshit they’d been through, they were still together. He was so grateful though, without Richie, Eddie wouldn’t have Teddy. Eddie’s life would’ve gone a completely different course and just the mere idea of that reminded him how lucky he was to have what he has.

”Eddie, if you’d like to go first.” Mike says, smiling softly at his friend who nods before clearing his throat.

Richie takes Eddie’s hands in his, playing with his fingers but he never takes his eyes off Eddie. He listens as Eddie talks, his small smile turning into an ear splitting grin by the end of it. Richie’s nerves seem to dissipate as Eddie speaks, but his heart still skips a beat when Eddie ends with a soft “I love you.”

Richie gets ready to talk next, looking at his husband with such admiration that he doesn’t even reach for the notes he had in his back pocket. He says everything that comes to mind, starting from the beginning about how easily he fell in love with the boy in front of him. He starts with the dinner dates, the late night talks in front of Eddie’s dorm, he lets Eddie know that he knew Eddie was the one by their first kiss even if that sounded cheesy. Richie moves on to when they first got engaged, to their first wedding and the three years of complete marital bliss. He starts to cry when he talks about Nevaeh, Eddie shedding his own tears. It still felt fresh, despite it happening over three years ago.

“But most of all, I want to let you know how grateful I am that you gave us our son. Without you, I would’ve become the thing I was most terrified of becoming. You showed me that it’s okay to be scared, you showed me that I had nothing to be afraid of you. Eddie, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You made me a father of that beautiful little boy over there and I can’t wait to create even more memories with both of you and any other children we might have. I love you, Eddie Kaspbrak. Even though you still don’t want to take my last name.” Richie finishes on a teasing note, everyone laughing and Eddie grips his husband’s hand just a little bit tighter.

“I guess you guys can like kiss or something...” Mike says awkwardly, blinking back tears of his own. Richie didn’t need to be told twice, pulling Eddie into his arms and kissing him harder than ever before.

”Dada.” Came a shriek, all eyes turning to Teddy who’s reaching out for his father as he was quite finished with being on Nicole’s lap. Richie lets out a tearful chuckle, not even hesitating to take his son from her. Richie finally had the one thing he thought he’d never had.

He had a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh.   
> I’m not crying. You are.  
> You’re the one crying....  
> Not me....   
> okay. I’m lying...I’m crying just a little bit cause it’s so sweet and adorable and I’m so glad I decided on a squeal cause I’m not ready to let this story go.  
> I’m gonna try to post the squeal tomorrow.  
> Thank you all for the reading and supporting this story!


	50. Squeal Information

Yo, the squeal is posted!

The squeal is called “Full Of Love

So go check it out a leave a kudos and comment. (I love reading your guys comments)

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd here’s the description:

_”I used to think that becoming a father was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I thought that if I was even given the chance, I would somehow find a way to screw them up like my parents did to me....but now, I see how stupid that was. Out of all my regrets, being a father will never be one of them._

or the one where Richie and Eddie are doing their best to raise a happy family. 


	51. Hey!

I’ve recently gotten into Minecraft and Minecraft youtubers, mostly DreamSMP.

So I decided to publish a Dream x George story, so if your into that head on over and check it out.

It’s called Sunkissed.

Go read it and maybe leave a comment and kudo! :)


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